


Claim

by denna5



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Dark, Kidnapping, M/M, Manipulation, Rape/Non-con Elements, Shapeshifting, Stockholm Syndrome, Suicide Attempt, Torture, mention of brainwashing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-02-19 10:06:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 35,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2384375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/denna5/pseuds/denna5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for this prompt:<br/>Loki is a bit possessive. What's his is his and no one is allowed to take it away. He had claimed Clint as his and the fact that Natasha "took him away" enrages him. And that he's now in a relationship with Any (Tony? Thor?) enrages him all the more.</p><p>So Loki kidnaps Clint and takes him to Asgard where he tries to break him. He tortures him, rapes him and keeps him for years there (and with his magic (or one of the golden apples?) he prevents that he ages) because Clint is not easy to break. And then, when he finally managed it and can be sure that Clint is his he sends him back to dump Any and Clint realizes, that since Loki took him, only a few minutes ticked away.</p><p>Clint breaks his relationship with Any and declares, that he wants to be with Loki.</p><p>The whole team is shocked. Minutes ago Clint was madly in love with Any and now he wants to break up with him? No one can understand it and they try to hold Clint back who wants to move out of the tower. The team decides that they won't let him go and then they discover the torture marks...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I may have to add more tags later but this is going to be pretty dark. Also the timeline will be a bit funky. Someday I will write something that is sunshine and puppies but that day is not now. Will try to update soon but have three ongoings in this fandom so it might be kind of sporadic. Hope you enjoy.

_“Does it hurt?”_

_Bucky asks, fingers gently touching the bruise that he is referring to. It is along Clint’s hip peeking out from the pajama pants that sit low on his hips. It is long purple mark that look like fingers and it came from last night, came from Bucky’s metal hand griping Clint’s hip. Bucky hadn’t really meant to put the bruise there, had just been caught up in the moment and had gripped a little tighter than he meant to. At least he hadn’t broken the bone, just bruised the skin but Bucky still worries that it was too rough. It has taken time for him to believe that he can have this, that Clint can be safe with him and he needs the reassurance that it is true, that this mark doesn’t prove that Bucky is a danger to him._

_Clint seems to know this. He puts his own fingers on top of Bucky’s, gives him a hint of a smile when he answers._

_“ A little bit but I kind of like that, like when you leave bruises, marks.”_

_“You a bit into the pain thing, Barton?”, Bucky asks, keeps his voice causal though he is worried just a bit about the answer. He doesn’t want to hurt Clint but there is always the possibility that Clint likes that, needs it and there is a part of Bucky that worries that would be too much of a risk, to give into something like that. He must look upset because Clint moves his fingers from Bucky’s fingers to his jawline, rubs it as he speaks._

_“It’s not about the pain, not really. I just like having the bruises sometimes, like feeling them sometimes. It makes me think of you, think of what we have. I like the reminder, like knowing I have something that is mine.”_

_He kisses Bucky when he says this and it is a sweet kiss, no other way to describe it, a gentle brush of lips. It eases a bit of Bucky’s worry and he kisses back. This thing between them is still a bit new but Bucky is going to hold on to it for as long as he can._

Bucky shouldn’t have let him go to the roof by himself, should have went with him. This is the one thought that has been pounding in his head the last few minutes, ever since Clint had cried out a name through the com link and then had gone silent and it keeps going through his head as he makes his way there. Something has happened and he just hopes he can figure out what when he gets there.

There is a ball of dread in his stomach as he climbs up the fire escape, one that has been growing steadily since he heard the name Clint called out, Loki. Bucky hasn’t had any run ins with the god himself but he knows of him, knows what he had done to Clint and the idea of Loki having gotten ahold of Clint now fills Bucky with fear and anger. He tries to push it aside, makes sure that the others know what is going on, a brief message given over the coms so they know to look for Clint, to look for Loki. He is at the top of the fire scape now, climbs off of it and onto the roof and there is nothing up here, nothing that he can see but that changes in just a moment.

There is a bit of light, just a flash of it and then there are figures at the far end of roof. One holds the other close, is whispering or touching the other and when that figure pulls back just a bit, Bucky can see just who it. Loki is right there, in the flesh and Bucky can see not that Clint is right beside and all he can think is to separate them, can’t stand to see Loki touching Clint.

It is almost instinct what he does next, how his hand finds the weapon at his side, how he aims at Loki as he walks closer towards them. He fires quickly and they are good shots but Loki is fast and he is strong and Clint is knocked down as Loki moves after the shots are fired, disappearing once again. Bucky just hopes he hit him, that some damage was done but now his concern is Clint.

Bucky gets to him as quickly as he can and Clint is starting to sit up, seems a bit stunned by how hard he had fallen from Loki’s push. Bucky bends down, is trying to look over Clint to make sure he is alright and there is relief when he sees Clint’s eyes as they look around the roof. They are their normal shade, no ice blue shading them.

“Loki”

Clint says the name, no fear or anger in it, something that almost sounds like confusion and he hasn’t looked at Bucky yet.

“He’s gone. We will get you to the tower, make sure you are alright and then we can look for him.”

Bucky puts a hand on Clint’s shoulder as he speaks, needs to touch him to make sure he is alright. He does not expect the shoulder to tense, to move away from him and he does not expect Clint to turn and look at him, something cold in his gaze.

“Don’t touch me, Barnes.”

There is something about the way Clint says his last name right now, the way he spits it out that is sending a jolt of fear through Bucky and that makes him freeze, unable to respond right away and Clint is speaking more, words with an edge to them.

“I’m not going back to the tower, I’m not staying with you, with the avengers. That is over now, we are over now.”

His eyes aren’t ice blue but they are hard as they look at Bucky, none of the fondness that he is used to seeing and Bucky can’t stop staring at them as he speaks. He is rising now, makes to move away from Bucky and that is something that Bucky can’t let happen and so he blocks Clint’s path, stands directly in front of him.

“What are you doing?”

He doesn’t touch Clint right now, though he wants to desperately, just stand in front of him, looking at him for anything that isn’t right. Clint looks fine, looks just as unharmed as he did when Bucky saw him earlier, before he came up here but his eyes are cold to Bucky and there is a sneer on his face.

“I’m going to where I belong, at Loki’s side. His, not yours.”

With these words, Clint starts to move but Bucky won’t let him leave, grabs his arm as he tries to pass him. Something is very wrong with him and he is trying to yank his arm out of Bucky’s grip.

“Don’t touch me. I’m not yours to touch, weapon.”

That word is worse than how Clint said Barnes earlier, crueler and not one he would ever throw at Bucky. Something has happened, Loki has done something and Clint is fighting to get out of Bucky’s grip now and there is a panic rising in Bucky. He can’t lose Clint, not like this, and so he does the only thing he can think of, remembers what he had been told about the first time Loki did something to Clint.

He hits him in the head, really hard and it is enough to knock him out. Clint crumples and Bucky catches him, holds him tightly. When the others come to the roof, Bucky is holding him still and he keeps a hold of him till they reach the tower. It is only then that Bucky lets go of him and he still waits right beside him, hopes that when he wakes up it, it’s Clint, his Clint.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so here is a bit more. There are three different timelines going on, memories from before the roof, things that happen during the time Loki has Clint, and then the present. I tried to lay it out so that it will make sense when it is switching to a different timeline or to a different POV. Hope you enjoy.

++++++

_There is something intriguing about Agent Barton. There shouldn’t be, after all the man is a mere mortal, an ant just like most on this planet, but still there is something about him that grabs a little sliver of Loki’s attention. He had noticed the man when he had peered through the tesseract before, when he had his connection with Slevig and he had decided then that he could possibly be of use. Right before he had stepped through the portal, he had heard Barton deduce what was happening before anyone else and he had the thought that he was clever and so it had not been a hard decision to claim the man and Loki has not found himself regretting it._

_He is so very mortal, everything that is pathetic about this race but even with that in mind, there is something about him that strives to be more than that and Loki finds that fascinating. He is a fighter, a warrior, a clever mind that hides behind a ruse of being less than that, a danger but now he is chained to Loki’s will. The spear has made him Loki’s plaything but even with that control there is defiance, little hints that Barton is fighting the control and it makes him more interesting and perhaps that is what leads to Loki taking him to bed._

_This isn’t something that Loki had ever though he would lower himself to , taking pleasure from such a lowly being, but he has already decided that Barton will be his second when he comes to power and so perhaps it is simply seeing what other roles he could fulfil. Barton’s form is pleasing enough and with the spear’s influence, he is willing to do what ever Loki wants and so now he finds himself with Barton between his legs, his mouth taking Loki in, and he is so very good at this. His mouth is wet and warm and so very eager but Loki finds he wants something a little more._

_He takes Barton on the floor, just enough preparation to ensure that he will not be too damaged come morning. This is nothing gentle, even with the spear ensuring Barton complies, Loki takes it from him, holds him roughly. There are sparks of pleasure when Barton bucks against him, when he takes each thrust and moans for more. It is lovely even if most of it is from the magic of the spear and when Loki feels himself come, he knows he has made the right call in taking this mortal._

The soldier had come quickly, more quickly than Loki had planned and he had managed to hit the god with his shots, nothing that would end his life but enough to be a hindrance. It was with some regret that Loki had pushed his hawk away, had fled. He would be able to have his hawk back soon enough, he will eagerly fly back to Loki’s side now that he knows it is where he belongs, but for now Loki does not have him and he has wounds to attend to.

The weapon has managed to make him bleed. Loki can feel it drip down as he removes the bullets, as he looks over the damage done. It had only been two shots that managed to hit and the wounds will not scar but there is still anger that the soldier had managed to injure him, minor though they are. It is an annoyance but Loki will see him suffer soon enough, regrets that he hadn’t been able to be there when Clint first spoke to Barnes, to see his reaction when Clint tell him he is walking away. The pain is nothing more than he deserves for thinking that he could have Barton when Loki had already claimed him, has cemented that claim now.

There is a thought that the avengers may try to keep Barton away from him now, may try to convince the archer to stay with them. It is a thought that is a little troubling but Loki pushes it aside. He has done his work well, has made Barton his, and he knows that it will stay this way now, no matter what others may do to try to change it.

++++++

It had been so simple to claim Barton the first time, just a touch of the specter to his heart and Barton was his, was all Loki’s. He wasn’t the only one Loki took those first few moments, not the only one the specter touched but he was different from all the others. The others were to be discarded once their use was up, tossed aside and thrown away, but Barton was to be kept, his spirit, his heart, Loki’s to have. It did not work out that way, his influence had been knocked away and Barton had gone back to SHIELD, had walked away from Loki, had stepped away from his place. Loki is going to remind him of it now, reclaim him but it will not be so simple this time but it will be done.

It had been easy enough to get to Barton alone, to grab his arm and transport them both away. It had been a little more difficult to get his bow out of his hands once they made their destination and a bit more difficult to get him subdued, chains around his wrists and ankles, but Loki had managed it. Now Barton is glaring at him and struggling in the chains, those eyes that Loki had once turned ice blue full of anger and defiance and hate towards him, and Loki wonders how long it will take for that to fade away, to change into something more suitable for the role Barton is to have now. For now, he simply grabs a hold of Barton’s hair and yanks, forcing the man’s face upwards so that he is staring up at Loki as he speaks.

“There was a time where you would have leaned into my hand instead of thrashing about. Has it really been so long that you have forgotten where you belong, who you belong to?”

“I don’t belong to anyone, least of all you.”

There is such rage in those words and Barton’s face is twisted in a snarl. He is almost like a feral creature right now and there is a bit of thrill in Loki to know that he is going to tame Barton to his hand, that all this spirit will be his again soon enough. He tightens his hold on Barton’s hair, his nails digging into his scalp, and he gives him just a little smile, one that holds little warmth to it.

“That is not true. You belong to me, have since the moment I decided it. I had such plans for you, such a shame that they did not come to fruition. “

Loki has put just a bit of regret into those last words. It is a shame he hadn’t been able to keep Barton the first time but it is something that will be remedied now.

“Your plans that had me dead at your feet after my usefulness was gone, after I had destroyed what I care for? Can’t say I’m sorry those didn’t happen.”

There is venom in his voice, bite to his words and Loki simply smiles at them, keeping his fingers in Barton’s hair but makes the grip a little loser, rubs his fingers along Barton’s scalp instead of digging them in.

“So the spider told you of our conversation. I will confess to you now that it was not the entire truth, that I would have had you kill her, would have let the control go long enough that you would know what you had done, but I would not have killed you.”

Barton is still trying to move his head out of Loki’s grip but Loki gives a warning tug of his hair and keeps speaking.

“Instead, I would have kept you, let you deal with the knowledge of what you did in my name, put you back under when the time was right and you would have found it a mercy. You would have served me eagerly, both as my commander and in my bed. Instead, I had to leave you behind and in my absence, you have forgotten that you are mine. I am going to remind you, hawk, and when I am done, you will be thankful for it.”

His words are a promise and he decides to seal it with a kiss. He tugs Barton’s hair, forces his head to come closer to Loki’s and he claims Barton’s lips. Barton tries to jerk his head away, is still struggling in his bonds, keeps his mouth closed and that is not want Loki wants right now, wants to taste the prize that has been kept from him too long. He keeps his mouth at Barton’s, pulls at his hair till the pain is just enough that there is slight gasp of pain, just enough that his mouth parts open and Loki takes advantage. His tongue dives into Barton’s mouth and he runs it along Barton’s teeth until they clamp down. There is tiny bit of pain and Clint bites hard enough that there is blood. Loki lets go of his hair after a few seconds, allows his hawk to finally move his head away and Loki can taste his own blood in his mouth.

“I’m not yours, I won’t be yours.”

Clint says this, eyes full of anger and there is blood in his mouth, Loki’s blood, and Loki is once again reminded of a feral animal. He is tensed up, body straining in the chains and Loki finds him beautiful but he will be even more beautiful once he learns his place, shows Loki the proper respect he deserves. Loki will start teaching him now.

“You will learn that you are mine soon enough.”

Loki leans closer to him again, grabs ahold of his neck and holds it so that Barton can not move his head away. His mouth is close to Barton’s again, close enough that Barton can feel the breath from Loki’s words against his lips.

“One thing you will learn right now, my hawk, is that if you make me bleed, you bleed.”

That is all the warning he gives Clint before he crushes their mouths together and then Loki is biting at Barton’s lips. He bites down hard and he can taste the saltiness of Barton’s blood. He pulls away after a moment and blood drips off of Barton’s lips. Loki knows that before the night is over more than just Barton’s mouth will be covered in red.

++++++


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy. I am so not very nice to my characters.

++++++

_Clint isn’t quite sure when exactly he falls for Bucky. It may have been when Bucky gave him a grin as they shot targets, both of them hitting way more than they miss. It may have been when Clint woke from a nightmare to go to the kitchen to get his mind off of to find Bucky already there, offering him a glass of water and saying nothing. It may have been when the first signs that Bucky Barnes was coming back, the signs that the soldier was fading away that may have first caught Clint’s attention. It may have been their first kiss, a tentative touch of lips in the dark. It may have been when a promise was made between the two of them, one that not everyone would understand. It may have been the first moment he saw him, when he was still more soldier than Bucky, but had helped Clint out of the chair because he knew what that pain would have been like. Whenever it was, it happens and Clint once again has that giddy sick feeling in his stomach that means he is in love._

_He doesn’t know if it will last, knows that it will end eventually, perhaps in blood, perhaps in tears, but for now Clint loves and he is loved in return and it is what he needs, what Bucky needs. They hold each other at night, bodies warm against one another and in the mornings, sometimes there are marks but it is just proof that they had each other last night, that they will have each other again. Clint likes to trace the finger marks along his hip, likes to think about the ones he places on Bucky that never last long enough, and it makes him smile. For now, there is someone who wants him, needs him and that is all that Clint could have ever hoped for._

Clint is in pain but he has had worse. Everything that has happened so far has been minor, little cuts and a few bruises, chains digging into his wrists and ankles, nothing he can’t deal with but that doesn’t change anything about his situation. He still is chained up, has no idea where Loki has taken him, and he isn’t in enough pain to pass out yet and so he knows that Loki is just going to keep playing.

He has been doing this the last few hours, inflicting pain and touching Clint, talking about how Clint is his, how he has forgotten his place but Loki will remind him of it. It all makes Clint angry, the touches, the taunts, and he swears to himself he is going to get out of here, that he will put an arrow through the god’s eye. As Loki starts to strip him of his cloths, ripping them off so he doesn’t have to remove the chains that Clint is in, he decides that perhaps arrows through both eyes would be an even better plan than just one.

Loki has his vest and shirt off, is looking at Clint’s scars, tracing a few with his finger tips and others with his mouth. Some of the touches are gentle and others are accompanied by a scratch or a bite. Clint tries to struggle away from the touches but the chains do not let him move very far and Loki does not move away from him.

“It has been a while since I have indulged in another’s touch but the same cannot be said for you, can it, hawk?”

Loki says this as he gets Clint’s pants and underwear off, as his hand comes to the bruise on Clint’s hip. It is finger shaped and Clint can remember the metal hand gripping it last night, the way Bucky had said his name as it did so. He tries to move away from Loki even more now, doesn’t like his fingers on Bucky’s mark. Loki just grips it tighter.

“I know who put that mark on you, Barton, know who you have taken to your bed. I know all about the soldier, all about Barnes and he will not touch you again, will not mark you again.”

Clint has no idea how Loki knows about Bucky, about them, but his words are enough to make Clint even angrier and he tries to throw Loki off of him but the god simply pushes him down more, pins him to the ground.

“I’m going to kill you when I get a chance.”

He grits the words out and all it does is make Loki smile as he keeps Clint underneath him, as he keeps him pinned with most of his weight, as he gets some oil and starts to prep Clint.

“You may try, little hawk, but you won’t succeed and soon enough, you won’t want to harm me. You are mine after all, not his.”

Loki is gripping the bruise tightly now, as if trying to put his own mark on top of the bruise already there. He still has two fingers in Clint and he hates how Loki is moving them inside of him, how he is trying to get a response out of him. He focuses on how much he hates Loki, on trying to struggle away from him.

“I’m not yours. I choose him, if I belong to anybody, it’s him.”

The words are the truth and Clint screams them at Loki as he still tries to move out from under Loki. There is a look of rage in Loki’s eyes and he takes his fingers out of Clint now, thrusts himself in instead and he starts to thrust quickly.

“You do not belong to the soldier, no matter what you say right now. You are mine.”

Loki wraps his hand that isn’t around Clint’s hip around his cock as he says this, his cool fingers gripping it tightly as he starts to stroke it in time with his thrusts. The touch isn’t right, isn’t the one he wants, but his body is still responding as Loki touches it, as he takes Clint.

“No matter how many battles you have fought alongside him, no matter how much that weapon who tries to be a man has touched you, my touch is the one you will crave soon enough, my side will be the one you fight alongside. You are mine and you will see that in time.”

Clint shakes his head at these words, yells no repeatedly as he can feel Loki move inside of him. It is a lot like that night so long ago, when Loki took him the first time, but now Clint’s eyes aren’t blue and he isn’t being forced to want this and that makes it worse. Loki comes after a little while and Clint feels relief at it even though he is still worked into hardness from Loki’s hand. As much as it may hurt, he hopes Loki will leave it like that, that he won’t have to come from this monster’s touch. It doesn’t happen.

“You have missed my touch, even if you will not admit it, I can tell. I will not deny you, after all you are mine, everything and anything you need, I am going to provide you. “

This all the warning Clint gets and then Loki is sliding out of him, moves so that his mouth can give little kisses to Clint’s thighs and hips as his fingers work over Clint’s cock. It is rough but it is doing just what Loki wants and Clint can feel the tension building in his body. He is trying not to let it happen but it is difficult. Loki is still kissing at his skin and his mouth finds Clint’s hip where Bucky’s hand print lays and he bites down. It is a sharp pain and Loki’s teeth break the skin, blood coming from it and Loki’s hand is still working Clint and he ends up coming, hates himself a little bit for it but hates Loki more.

“A much more fitting mark, one I will make sure will last. “

Loki pulls away from Clint after, touches the bite mark he just made with the hand that he got Clint off with. It hurts and Loki looks much too pleased at how the bite mark stands out against the bruise. He strokes it and Clint can feel his anger at what has happened burning inside of him. He will keep that anger strong, will fight Loki till he can’t.

++++++

There are voices speaking near him, Clint can hear them. Voices that he knows, voices that he hasn’t heard in what for him has been years, voices he had missed once, but voices that don’t matter anymore. The voices just means that he is not where he should be, that his words were not heeded and he has been taken to the tower. He doesn’t open his eyes yet, just listens to the voices for a few more moments.

“I did not know what else to do. You said that was what brought him back to himself last time.”

“Loki doesn’t have the scepter anymore and you said his eyes weren’t blue. We may be dealing with something else.”

“He wasn’t acting right, wanted to go to Loki. Something happened.”

“They were only out of sight a few minutes, whatever happened, it happened quickly.”

This little conversation is just enough to confirm what Clint has already suspected, that the years he spent with Loki, the years that Loki took to show Clint just where he belongs, those years were only minutes here. Clint has had years away from these voices, from these people who once were his world, years to accept his place but for them it hasn’t been that long and Loki was right, they will try to cling to the past. Clint knows that he isn’t theirs anymore and it is something that they are going to have to accept just as he has.

“We have to fix it. I don’t want to lose him, not like this.”

That voice is so very broken sounding. There was once a time he would have reassured that voice but that was years ago and now it is not Clint’s duty to reassure him that he will stay, because Clint can’t stay ,not with him, not with them. Clint still hasn’t opened his eyes yet, is still waking up, but he can feel a touch now, fingers wrapping around his. There are callouses on those fingers, the touch gentle , and Clint had missed it once but now it isn’t what he wants anymore, not his anymore. The touch is much too warm, not the cool flesh he has grown to appreciate, and so Clint opens his eyes and pries his fingers out of Barnes’ grip.

“I told you, I’m not yours. Don’t touch me.”

This is all he says as he leaves the bed they had him in, as he dodges Barnes as he tries to grab Clint’s arm again. He finds his path blocked by more than just Barnes after a moment, finds green eyes watching his face closely as she stands in front of him.

“I’m not staying here. Let me pass, Natasha.”

She doesn’t move, not away or closer, just looks at him. She tilts her head just a little bit, but he can see the tenseness in her body, knows that she will strike if he gives her a reason.

“If we let you leave this room, are you going to go to Loki?”

She asks the question and there is pause, a silence as they both wait for his answer. He can feel Bucky behind, can see Natasha’s eyes in front of him, he is surrounded by the life he once had, lover partner, sister friend. He thinks about what they meant to him once, about how he would have done anything for them once but that time is passed. Instead, he thinks of Loki, thinks of those years he has spent as his and knows that he can’t stay here. He doesn’t belong to them anymore, hasn’t for a while.

He takes a breath before he answers, thinks of lying but doesn’t. She would be able to see through it and it is better if they learn the truth now, if he doesn’t give them any false sense of hope. For as much as he sees what they are, knows their flaws, he believed in them once. He loved them once and so he sees no reason to be any crueler than he has to be. He doesn’t lie as he says one single word.

“Yes.”

There is just the slightest hitch of breath from Natasha and then a squaring of her shoulders, a determined look placed upon her face as she speaks, voice holding just a bit of waver to it.

“Then you can’t leave this room.”

He doesn’t say anything, just makes a move to walk around her. He expects her to stop him, to collide perhaps with a petite body that holds more power than most realize but instead he feels a cool touch, metal not the flesh he has grown accustomed to , grabs his wrist.

“Clint, you’re not going to him, I won’t let him have you.”

There is something about the way Barnes says this, the way his metal hand grips Clint’s wrist, firm yet gentle, that speaks about the claim he thinks he has over Clint. He has no claim on Clint, not now, not since Loki made Clint his, and the weapon should not be touching what isn’t his. He doesn’t pulls his wrist away from Barnes, instead he stands very still for a moment, speaks calmly.

“There is no letting Loki have me, I’m already his. Whatever you think we had, whatever I was to you, it isn’t true anymore. I belong to Loki now and I will be going back to him.”

He says this and then Clint is attacking, careful of his wrist in that metal grip. He goes for what he knows are the soldier’s weak points, has sparred with him enough that he knows how to attack him. He manages to get some good hits in and that is about the time he feels a needle jam into his throat , hears Natasha’s quiet voice as she injects him with something.

“Loki will hurt for whatever he has done to you.”

She is threatening Loki and it makes Clint try to fight against what ever she gave him but he feels too sluggish and soon he is being picked up. Barnes cradles him close to his body, holds him gently and there is blood dripping down his face from where Clint had managed to break his nose. The blood drips onto Clint and it feels warm, too warm, just like how all Barnes does. He is placed in the bed and as his eyes start to close, all he thinks is that he can’t stay, that they are going to have to let him go or Loki will come for him.

++++++


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a little bit more, hope you enjoy.

++++++

_The soldier isn’t really the soldier anymore but he isn’t Bucky Barnes either. He knows his name now, has fractured memories coming to the surface but he can’t be Bucky yet, can’t go to Steve but he can make sure that he doesn’t become the soldier again, that the little pieces of himself that are coming back are taken away again. He goes after Hydra, takes out any base that he can, but at this last one he found something that has changed things slightly, made it so he is no longer alone._

_He still isn’t quite sure what to make of the man who has come with him, the one that he found in the chair, just knew he couldn’t let him go through what had been done to him and so he had unstrapped him and the man had helped him destroy the base . It seems that they hadn’t wiped him yet, he was pretty coherent when he was unstrapped from the chair and he fought very well, especially once he managed to get a hold of the bow and arrows they had locked in one of the rooms. He had followed him after that and now he sits on a motel bed across from the soldier, his bow right beside him and he is looking at him, a curious glint in his eyes._

_“We didn’t really get a chance to introduce ourselves back there. I’m Clint Barton.”_

_The man, Clint apparently, put his hand forward at this, offers a shake. There is a moment of tension as he looks at Clint’s outstretched hand and it is a few seconds before he reaches forward with his flesh hand and takes Clint’s. He has a sense of what he is supposed to do, shake his hand, offer a name and so he tries._

_“My name is “, he says this but he isn’t sure what to say and so he shuts his mouth, lets go of Clint’s hand. He doesn’t know what to call himself, doesn’t quite feel like Bucky fits right now and the soldier hadn’t really had a name, had usually just been referred to as the asset. He puts his hand back down at his side now, watches as Clint does the same. There is some silence, a tension and he wonders if it was a mistake to let Clint follow him, if he should even be around people right now. He has been a weapon for so long that he isn’t sure how to not be one, how to do the simple things that people do._

_Clint is still looking at him, his eyes looking straight at his face. Those eyes are sharp, a bluish green with dark circles under them and he wonders how long Hydra had Clint, just what the man has been through. He wonders if he should ask but then Clint is speaking now, still looking at him as he does so._

_“It is ok if you don’t want me to know your name. I have an idea of who you are but you haven’t killed me yet, helped me get out of there, so I think we should be able to survive eachother’s company for at least tonight. “_

_Clint gives him a little bit of a smile now, just a brief one but it looks nice. He scoots his bow over and then lays down._

_“I think I may try to get some sleep. Let me know if I need to leave.”_

_Clint closes his eyes now and he isn’t quite sure what to make of him. He isn’t used to someone letting their guard down around him like this and after a little bit, he decides that maybe it will be safe for him to lay down as well so he does. They lay there in silence and he isn’t sure what will happen later but it is kind of nice to have someone around._

 

Bucky hurts right now, hurts in a way he hasn’t in a long time. It isn’t physical pain, the nose already cleaned up and will heal soon enough and that had been the most serious of what Clint did to him, but something deeper, more emotional than that. He feels like his whole world is crashing down around him, just like it had all those years ago when he was told Steve was dead, when there wasn’t any reason to fight anymore. This is different though, Clint is here, not gone, and Bucky is going to fight for him. He just isn’t sure how to yet. For right now, he keeps a hold of Clint’s hand because he doesn’t move it away as he sleeps.

“We need to move him to the safe room, the one where he can’t leave. “

Natasha says this from where she sits next to Bucky and he turns his eyes away from Clint’s face, looks at her. He knows exactly what room she is talking about, has spent time in that room himself after he first came to the tower, when he was still shaking off his programing and only could be somewhat comfortable around Clint and Steve. It is almost like a cell, observation windows, strong locks and no air vents. He hates the idea of putting Clint in there but there isn’t much choice. They aren’t going to be able to stay with him every moment and if his reaction from earlier is anything to go by, he is going to try to leave when he wakes again.

“Alright.”

It is all he says and then he is picking Clint up again. He holds him close as he starts to move him. Clint doesn’t move away from him, still deep in sleep from the sedative Natasha gave him, and Bucky could almost pretend that nothing is wrong, that Clint just got hurt in battle and not that he tried to fight them to leave the tower. He could almost pretend that he is taking him to their quarters, that Clint will wake up in their bed and be his, not insist that he is Loki’s. Bucky could pretend that nothing is wrong but he doesn’t, even if he wants to. Instead, he carries Clint to the room, tells Jarvis to tell them when the others are back from looking for Loki and then asks Natasha to get him a change of clothes for Clint. He is still in his uniform and there is a little blood on him from Bucky’s nose. He wants to clean him up a little, wants to take care of him a little even if Clint isn’t awake to appreciate, wouldn’t want it right now.

They are at the room now and there is still a bed in here and Bucky lays Clint down on it. He sits down next to him, waits only a few minutes and then Natasha is there with fresh cloths and some water and a cloth. Bucky cleans Clint’s face first, wipes the blood off it. He shifts a bit in his sleep but he doesn’t wake up yet. He takes Clint’s boots and socks off first, gets ready to remove his pants when he realizes that Natasha is still in the room with them and his hands still at the fastening as he turns to her.

“I’m going to change his pants now.”

She doesn’t make a move, just gives him a bit of a shrug.

“I have seen your boyfriend naked before. I can turn around if it brothers you.”

It doesn’t really but he thinks about the bruise that is going to be on Clint’s hips, worries about what she might say. He decides that it shouldn’t matter that much, Natasha has never judged their relationship and he can’t really see her starting now. He just gives a bit of a shrug and unfastens Clint’s pants and starts to drag them down, does the same with his underwear but as Clint’s skin is exposed, there is something that make his fingers stop, let go of the fabric and to Clint’s hip instead.

There isn’t a bruise there, no purple finger shaped marks splayed across it, just pale skin and a scar. Bucky traces the scar now with his fresh and blood hand, feels the indention in the skin. The scar looks old, like it has been there for years but he knows Clint’s body, knows the marks that litter it, and this one wasn’t there before.

“I don’t remember him having that.”

Natasha had moved closer to them when Bucky had paused in pulling Clint’s pants and now Bucky can hear her words as his fingers move away from the mark, as he looks closer at it. It is a bite mark, the indents clearly made by teeth and he hadn’t had it this morning but now it looks like he has had it for years.

“He didn’t have it this morning, it wasn’t there. I had left a bruise but there were no teeth marks there.”

He says this and his voice doesn’t sound clam at all. There is a feeling of panic in Bucky now, a sense of confusion and he pulls Clint’s underwear and pants away completely, takes Clint’s shirt and vest off . Natasha stands even closer, looks over Clint’s body just as Bucky does. There are more scars that Bucky knows where not there before, more than just the bite mark at his hip, some faded lines across his back, a few scratch marks on his chest.   They are not fresh, look like Clint has had them for years but Loki only had Clint for a few minutes.

“Loki did this, put those marks on him. We need to find out how.”

Bucky says this, tightens his hold on Clint just a bit. He can’t stand to look at them anymore and he is grateful when Natasha hands him Clint’s clothes, helps him dress him. Jarvis tells them that the others are back now and Bucky places Clint back down of the bed and they shut the door behind them as they go to see if there is any news about Loki, anything that will tell them if this can be fixed.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some more. Hope you enjoy.

+++++

Loki keeps himself hidden, can not let the avengers find him too quickly. He has decided that he will give them this time, will give them a few days with his hawk. He has had his hawk for years now, has lived what for some would be a lifetime with him, he can give his brother and the foolish mortals a few days of his hawk’s presence before keeping him away from them for good. He wants them to have time to see what has happened to Barton, to see how he has changed. Loki wants them to look Clint over, to see the marks Loki has placed on him with care, wants them to try to figure out how year old scars have come to be after what for them had only been minutes. He wants them to beg Clint to stay, to try to bring their Hawkeye back to the surface and he wants them to fail, to find out just how much Clint belongs to Loki now. All that will happen, all Loki has to do is wait, wait and then his hawk will fly back to him and there will be no way for anyone to stop it.

++++++

It has been almost a month by human time that Loki has had his hawk with him. A month of him in chains, beaten and taken, cruelness and kindness given in equal doses, taunts and gentle gestures. A month of Loki’s undivided attention and devotion and Clint Barton still refuses to accept that he is Loki’s, a month and his hawk has not been broken.

Loki has taken him, hurt him, kissed and bruised him, cut and bit. Every inch of Clint has been touched by Loki these last few days, every inch of him claimed and still he fights him, still struggles away from Loki’s touch each day, still bites down when Loki takes a kiss, curses him and threatens. It is a little bit of an annoyance but he would not be worth Loki’s time if he could be broken in less than a month. If a few scrapes and well placed words were enough to make Barton his than Loki would not want him. Barton is a fierce creature and all his defiance will just make it sweeter once he gives in, once he is fully Loki’s. This will take time but Loki has ways of ensuring that he will have all the time he needs with Barton, that time and human frailty will not rob him of his prize.

His hawk is currently on the floor, as far from Loki as his chains will allow. He is bare, no clothes since Loki took them away. He is covered in bruises, in cuts and bites. The weapon’s finger marks no longer adorn his hip, instead Loki’s own teeth marks sit there, a scar beginning to form, a claim one day Barton will appreciate. There is dried blood on him, dried cum as well, both Loki’s and his own. He is a mess, could almost look broken if not for how angry his eyes look as Loki comes closer, as he kneels down beside him.

“I have something for you, Hawk. “

Loki says this almost sweetly but Clint still tries to hit him as Loki pulls him to him, sits him so that he is close to Loki. Barton struggles for a few moments as Loki adjusts so that Barton is in his lap, being held tight by Loki’s arms.

“I don’t want it.”

This is said with stubbornness but Loki simply smiles at him, holds him with one arm as his other hand reaches into a pocket, pulls out what he wants to give his hawk.

“You must be hungry, this is for you.”

The apple is beautiful, skin shinny and it smells fresh and sweet. Loki brings it closer to Clint, holds it so it is close to his face, so that he can see it and smell it. His hawk hasn’t had anything fresh like this in a while, has been barely eating what Loki has given him. The apple has to be a temptation but Barton makes no move to take it, even as Loki draws it closer to his lips.

“Sorry, I don’t like apples.”

He spits these words out as he draws his mouth away from the apple. It is a lie but more than that the words are more defiance. Loki tightens his grip on Barton a little more.

“This is a gift, hawk. It will not hurt you to accept my kindness.”

These words are a true in a way, the apple is a gift just as it is a way to ensure that he has time to break Barton. This apple will make his hawk more than what he is now, will help give Loki all the time he needs to shape Clint to his liking.

Clint is staring at the apple and he shakes his head again, says no. He is so very stubborn and Loki could try to force bits of the apple down his throat but he would prefer that Barton eats it willingly. He leans close to Clint’s ear, speaks some words softly, offers the apple again.

“If you eat this, I will let you out of the chains for a while, will let you clean yourself up. You can spend a night in a bed instead of the floor, can have a chance to walk and stretch your legs. All you have to do is take a few bites. It is not such a heavy cost.”

He leaves out the words that Barton must be thinking about right now, the ones that tell him if he eats the apple, if Loki’s promise is kept, he may have a chance at escape. Clint stills in his arms, is very quiet and Loki loosens his hold on him just slightly, lets one of his arms loose so that his hand can reach for the apple. There is a moment of waiting, a breath drawn, and then fingers go to the apple and Loki holds back a smile as Barton takes a hold of it, draws it to his mouth. There is another moment of quiet as he stares at the apple, holds it close to his lips. He doesn’t bite it, instead his fingers unfurl from around it and his hand drops, the apple falling to the floor. His eyes look at Loki now, glittering with determination and hate and he snarls out some words.

“There is a reason you want me to eat it and that is why I won’t.”

There is anger in Loki now, rage that his hawk will not give into even this small request. It is nothing to grab Clint’s wrist now, his grip tight around the frail bones. The threat is obvious in the gesture and this is one of the few times Loki has seen something like real fear flash in Clint’s eyes. His hawk is an archer, prizes his hands and his eyes and Loki will have use for those and so he has left them unharmed but that may have to change now. He can mend him later, now may be the time to prove a point.

“That apple is a gift for you, a gift to ensure that our time together will not be cut short, that you will have a very long life where you belong, at my side. You will pick it up and eat it now or I will make you suffer.”

He applies a little more pressure to Clint’s wrist, not breaking the bones, not yet and Clint’s eyes dart around, first focusing on his wrist in Loki’s grip, then the apple on the floor, then Loki and back and forth between the three. No doubt his hawk knows now what the apple will do and he still struggles a bit in Loki’s hold, though he is careful about his wrist. Loki gives him a moment to think about it, just a few seconds and then he is pulling him closer, keeps his grip on his wrist and makes sure Clint is looking at him as he speaks.

“Your choice, the apple or pain. “

Clint looks away from him for a moment, glances at his wrist once again and then back at Loki’s face. There is still a bit of fear there but also such fire and when he speaks, there is no shake in his voice.

“I would rather be in constant pain than have a long life with you.”

There is such will in him and Loki wants to break it, wants to shatter it and piece it back so that is his. It will take a while to break his will, his spirit, but Loki can settle right now for bones.

“Very well.”

It is all he says and then he squeezes his fingers, tightens the grip as Barton struggles. The sound of crunching bones fills the room and there is blood between his fingers. There is a flash of pain across Clint’s face but it is not enough, Loki wants to see more, wants him to suffer. He lets go of the now broken wrist, it just at an odd angle and he grabs the fingers of the hand that belongs to it. He breaks them all as Barton lashes out, tries to kick and hit and squirm away. He is no match for Loki right now, too weak from his various wounds from before this, lack of rest and lack of food and Loki tosses him onto the floor after his hand is a mangled mess.

The next few hours are spent making him hurt, on making new bruises, on not letting up until Barton screams. It is not an easy feat but Loki accomplishes it. Once Barton has screamed, once his face is etched in pain, he offers the apple again, gives him a chance to take a respite from this. It is once again refused and Loki wraps his hands around his throat then and Barton struggles to breathe. He presses down, watches as Barton’s eyes go wide, as his face starts to turn red and then pale, as the life almost starts to fade from him. He lets go before that point and Clint collapses, darkness claiming him.

Loki watches him in this state, looks at his broken body. He will heal him once the apple is taken, once this simple thing is given into. It may take more than just this, than loss of blood and bones crushed, may take more than a breaking of the body. His fingers go to the mark on Barton’s hip, his mark and he thinks briefly of the one that was there before, of who put it there. He must not simply break Barton’s body, must break his heart, and Loki starts to make plans on how to do just that, to get him to take the apple willingly. Loki is the god of lies and there is one lie that perhaps Barton will want to be told right now, one lie that will get Barton to take a bite of the apple, one lie that Loki will tell him as soon as the time is right.

++++++


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter with some angst and Loki being mean.

++++++

When Clint wakes this time, there are no voices, no soft words of concern, just the quiet and when he opens his eyes, the room is dark. The dimness of the room doesn’t bother him, Clint has seen true darkness, Loki showed it to him once, kept him there for a while. It had been terrible but Loki gave him the light back and now Clint knows he is Loki’s and the darkness won’t return. He blinks the sleep away and the darkness fades, the lights slowly turning up now that he is moving, sitting up and he looks around where he is.

They have put him in the safe room, the one with only one door, no vents, no way to get out unless he is allowed. He knows this room fairly well but that doesn’t mean he can leave it and they have put him in here to keep him. They didn’t just move him here, he realizes that quickly, is wearing something other than his uniform. The cloth feels familiar and when he looks down, he sees one of Bucky’s shirts, the blue one that Clint used to wear more than Bucky does, and a pair of faded sweats. He was changed, by either Bucky or Natasha and he knows what that means. His marks have been seen now.

His hand goes to his hip briefly, thinks about the teeth marks there. For him, they have been there for years, a reminder of whose he is, but to the others they are new, confusing. It doesn’t matter that they were seen, Clint has no shame in them, enjoys running his fingers over them sometimes and thinking what they mean. He needs to leave here and there is a thought about the door, about when the room was last used and he decides to try some thing, goes to the door. He is about to type in a code when a voice speaks.

“The codes have been changed, Agent Barton. “

Jarvis says this and Clint isn’t really surprised. He moves away from the door, starts to pace the room. He feels trapped, knows that he may be here for a while.

“I have informed Sargent Barnes and the others that you are awake now. Someone will be here shortly.”

Clint doesn’t say anything to that, just goes back to the bed after a while, sits down on it. As he waits, he thinks about this room, about how much time he used to spend here, thinks about the life he once had. All of it doesn’t matter anymore and that is something he is going to have to convince the others of, will have to see if they can let him go, if a certain promise will be kept. There is no way to know yet and Clint just waits for someone to come.

_“I think I want you to call me Bucky now.”_

_The words come out when they are eating lunch, just the two of them in the room right now. It really is a bit more like a cell but it has really only been a caution, just a way to make sure nothing happens if his Hydra conditioning kicks in. Clint has known that is his name for a while now but he has never used it. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to be called that but if he wants Clint to call him that, he will._

_“If you want me to. I never could decide what to call you when it was just the two of us, I think it won’t be too hard to call you Bucky.”_

_He says this and then continues eating. Those weeks that Clint had been with him, when it was just the two of them hiding and attacking Hydra and what turned out being running from Steve, he had never given Clint a name and Clint had never really asked for one. This last week that they have been in the tower, he has heard Steve call him that and he has watched him become more comfortable with the name and Clint thinks it suits him or will suit him once he is more himself, once he is more comfortable._

_“I didn’t feel like Bucky yet then, couldn’t give you that name because I wasn’t sure if I could be him again. Now, though, I think maybe I can.”_

_Bucky says these words to Clint after a few moments of eating in silence and Clint looks at him. It is a confession of sorts and Clint is glad that he feels comfortable enough around Clint to tell him this and he reaches over and squeezes his shoulder for just a moment before letting go. They go back to eating, talking about random things for a bit. When they are finished, Clint turns to him before he leaves._

_“Steve and I were thinking maybe you would like to try to eat dinner with us and the others tonight. I can come by and get you then, Bucky, if you want.”_

_There is a little brief smile on his face when Clint says his name and then a brief moment of hesitation. It passes and then he is speaking._

_“I will try. See you then, Clint.”_

_He gives Bucky a smile and leaves the room, wants to go find Steve and tell him that his friend is going to try to eat dinner with more than just them tonight._

++++++

Each time Loki offers him the apple, Clint refuses. Each time he says no, Loki makes him suffer for it. It has been three days of this back and forth and the injuries are starting to add up. There is his crushed left hand and wrist, three broken ribs, dislocated right shoulder, and various bites, cuts and bruises. His throat is raw and his voice is broken, ugly purple handprints wrapped around his neck and a fever has started to set in though he isn’t quite sure what has become infected. All the hurts that Loki has inflected upon him are starting to pile up and Clint knows that he won’t last much longer.

He always knew he would be the first of them to fall, the first avenger to die. It is going to happen any day now, Loki has made that very clear. Clint either eats the apple, gets a possibly immortal life stuck with Loki or Loki keeps adding to the injuries that Clint has and there is no way that won’t end with his death. The others won’t make it here in time, wherever here is and Clint is alright with that, just wishes that he would have had a chance to see them one last time, that he would have been able to be with Bucky one last time.

Loki hasn’t offered the apple in a while, hasn’t been around Clint for a little bit. His body is in too much pain, there is too much damage for him to try to run, and the chains are too tight. He stays right where he is, lets himself drip off into an uncomfortable sleep.

He doesn’t know how long he is sleeping when he feels something cold and wet against his skin, something wiping his forehead. He doesn’t open his eyes right way but he does shift away, tries to sit up only for something cool to touch his shoulder, something that feels strong and familiar, and then there is a voice speaking, one he has wanted to hear for a while, one he thought he would never hear again.

“Clint, don’t move, you’re going to be alright.”

He can’t feel the chains anymore around his wrists, can’t feel them at his ankles, but he does feel cool metal against his shoulder and he thinks he must still be dreaming. He takes a deep breath, afraid to open his eyes but then he does and he sees him, sees Bucky.

“I’m dreaming.”

This is all he can get out, his voice still rough from the bruising, from Loki chocking him. He still doesn’t believe but his eyes see it, see him. Bucky is here, is sitting close to Clint, and he shakes his head at him now.

“It isn’t a dream.”

He says this simply but Clint doesn’t believe it, can’t believe. He has to wake up, the longer he stays in this dream the more it will break him when he wakes. He shifts his body again and it hurts, his wounds causing agony. If this is a dream, he shouldn’t hurt. Why does it hurt so much if it isn’t real?  


“Careful, you’re all right. I have you, you’re all right.”

The words are soothing and Bucky is stroking his shoulder with the metal arm and that doesn’t quite feel right but Clint wants this to be real. He wants Bucky to be here and he is and Clint isn’t sure what to do. He wants to ask but his voice is still rough and he starts to cough instead and Bucky still rubs his shoulder, soothes him.

“Talking can wait. You need some water.”

Bucky starts to turn, his metal arm leaving Clint’s shoulder and Clint’s good hand comes up and grabs it, feels the cool metal. He wants this to be real, doesn’t want to let Bucky out of his sight. Bucky puts his hand back on Clint’s shoulder, soothes him as he turns just a bit and then there is cup being placed at Clint’s lips. He hesitates a moment, still unsure if this is real, but he feels the cool metal of his hand and he takes a sip.

His throat still aches and his body is on fire from pain and the fever but Bucky is here and Clint had thought he would never see him again. Bucky gives him more drinks of water, talks to him. His voice is steady and Clint has missed it but something doesn’t quite feel right, something just a tiny bit off. It has to be his fever that is making this not seem right, he wants so badly for this to be real.

Bucky goes back to the wet cloth after a few moments, is cleaning Clint up. He is so very gentle right now and as the cloth brushes against his forehead, Bucky’ s flesh and blood hand touches it as well, his fingers cool to the touch. It sends just a little chill to Clint’s spine, increases that feeling of something being off but Clint tells himself that it is the fever, that is why Bucky’s hand feels so cold.

“We need to get more water in you, some food maybe.”

Bucky murmurs this and he is bringing the cup to Clint’s mouth again. He takes sips of the water and his flesh hand brushes Clint’s hair, those fingers still almost too cool. Something is not right and it is when Bucky puts the water down, reaches for something else that Clint can feel dread building in his stomach. It increase as Bucky brings whatever it is close to Clint’s mouth, his hand covering it so that Clint can barely see it.

“Just a little bite, it will help.”

Those words are murmured and when Clint smells the apple, he closes his eyes and his heart breaks.

“Not real.”

The words comes out a broken whisper, his voice still so hoarse and not Bucky shakes his head, is still trying to play the part.

“I am, eat a little, you will feel better.”

The voice is soothing, insistent and Clint had wanted so badly for it to be his voice, for this to be real but it isn’t. The apple is so close to his mouth and this isn’t a dream but this isn’t Bucky. He tries to move away now, knows exactly what is happening now.

“No, Loki.”

The name is choked out and he expects Bucky to fade now but he doesn’t, instead there is a smirk on his face but it isn’t Bucky’s smirk and it looks so out of place on his features.

“I thought this way of offering the apple would be a mercy for you. Have you not missed seeing this face, hearing this voice?”

Clint has but he doesn’t say anything, tries still to move from Loki, from the metal arm that is pinning him in place now. His body is too worn, the fever and injuries making him too weak to do much more than squirm as Loki leans even close to him. He looks like Bucky, sounds like Bucky and Clint really wishes he would turn back into himself.

“You would whisper his name in your sleep, hawk, called out for him. You long for him and so I decided to give him to you. If you take the apple, I will let you pretend, let you have him. Wouldn’t you like that?”

Loki kisses his forehead as he says this, kisses it with Bucky’s lips but they feel much colder than Bucky’s ever have. Clint shakes his head.

“I’m not eating that apple.”

It hurts to get all those words out but he manages it, means it. He wants Bucky but what Loki is offering, it wouldn’t be Bucky and it would cost Clint too much in the long run. The metal hand tightens on his shoulder and there is a sneer on that face that Clint knows so well.

“You will, my hawk, just how depends on you.”

Loki is still so close to Clint now, those words spoken against Clint’s skin, has draped himself across him now and he still hasn’t changed his form yet. There is pressure placed on his broken ribs with how Loki lays on him and it makes Clint grasp out in pain but it reminds him that he will be able to hold out, that he can’t have more than a few days left till all of this catches up with him and he is gone.

“You think that I am going to let you die, I can see it in your eyes right now. I will tell you now that is not an option. “

Loki is still speaking, the word sending a chill of dread through Clint.

“I have ways to heal you and if you do not eat the apple willingly, I will force it down your throat. It will cost you so much less if you agree to it now.”

Clint shakes his head again, won’t agree no matter what Loki plans to do. Loki leans up just a bit, gestures to himself, to the form of Bucky he is wearing right now.

“You love him, cling to your memories of him. I offered you a chance to pretend but there are other things I can do in this form, that I can do as him. Every torture I have given, every pain, some you haven’t experienced yet, I can do them all to you in this form.”

Clint is trying to move again, shakes his head at Loki.

“I would know it wasn’t him.”

There is a cruel smile on Bucky’s face now, one that doesn’t look right on those features and the words out of that mouth make Clint shudder.

“Yes, at least for a while, but for how long? I could do it for years, get you to a point worse than this, where your body and mind are so weak and confused that you wouldn’t know the difference and then how long till you start to believe that it is him? How long till that present of your lover torturing you taints the memories you have? How long till you start to hate him? ”

Clint wants to believe that won’t happen but the thought that it could, that it will is terrifying. He loves Bucky, loves him with everything that he has and the idea of spending years being tortured by his face, by someone one that looks like him, that may be worse than the thought of death. Loki gives him a bit of a smile now, and it still isn’t Bucky’s but it almost could be and that makes everything worse.

“You are mine but I will allow you to keep your pleasant thoughts of him, will allow your memories of him to remain unchanged but you must eat the apple now. It is a choice now, take what I am offering or I keep this form till you can’t stand to look at it any more.”

Loki sits Clint up now and he wants to yell at him, tell him no, but the threat of that, of Loki doing everything he has but wearing Bucky’s face, it is too much. He gives a little nod, hates himself for it but at least he will still be able to fight, may still find a way out of this. Loki holds the apple to his mouth but Clint doesn’t bite down yet, whispers some words instead.

“Turn back.”

“After you take the first bite.”

It is all Loki says and Clint takes a breath, closes his eyes and leans closer to the apple, sinks his teeth into it. It is sweet and hard to swallow but he forces it down.

“Good, hawk, take another now.”

It isn’t Bucky’s voice anymore and it safe to open his eyes now and he does. Loki is sitting right behind him, Clint’s body leaning against him, and as Clint forces his teeth to bite into the apple again, Loki’s hand that isn’t holding the apple to Clint’s mouth comes up to his throat, starts to trace the bruises with his fingers as he murmurs something. There is just a flash of heat against his skin and then his throat feels better and he finds it easier to swallow down his bite.

Loki makes sure he eats the whole apple, healing him up as he does so. He doesn’t heal the teeth marks on Clint’s hips, just kisses them as he lays Clint down on the bed instead of the floor. The chains aren’t put back on yet but even with most of his injuries healed, Clint still feels too weak to do anything right now, still too shaken from having to give into Loki. He closes his eyes, promises himself that when he wakes, he will do what he can to get away from here, will do whatever it takes to make sure he doesn’t become what Loki wants him to.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a short chapter but I hope to have more soon. Enjoy and let me know what you think.

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_He has started to dream more, ever since Hydra fell. Some are clear, feel real and others are hazy, feel almost like they are happening to someone else. Some dreams are from his life before, when he was Bucky, memories of the war, of Steve. Some dreams are of the train, of falling. Some are of how he became the soldier, of what he did as the soldier. Those are always closer to nightmares, make him startle awake, upset and shaken usually. Tonight it is one of those dreams, is a dream of his last mission._

_The hellicarrier crashes, just like how he remembers. They end up in the water, both of them just like before only. He sees Rogers sinking, his shield just a little bit away. He remembers his mission, knows that the man is supposed to die and so this time, he doesn’t pull him up to shore, this time he makes sure he doesn’t leave the water, holds him down till he is sure and then he walks away and a part of him is screaming inside his own head._

_He wakes up, not screaming but his breath comes in gasps and he tries to calm it down. He isn’t alone in the room and it takes him a little while to remember why but there is a voice speaking, trying to calm him down._

_“Hey, you’re safe, no one else is here but us.”_

_Clint has turned on the light now, comes closer to him and sits down next to him. It has been about three weeks since he found him, three weeks of Clint staying and following him to each base he takes out. Three weeks and he still hasn’t given Clint a name to call him but he can fall asleep near him now._

_“Just a dream.”_

_This is all he says and Clint doesn’t ask, just sits down next to him. It isn’t the first time he has woken from a bad dream, probably won’t be the last, and Clint himself has woken from nightmares. He doesn’t know what Clint dreams about, doesn’t ask him. As strange as it is having someone with him now, he doesn’t want to lose it and so he doesn’t push Clint to talk about what ever happened that makes him dream just as Clint never asks too much about his dreams either._

_They sit in quiet for a little while. Clint fiddles with his bow while he just sits there. He thinks about the dream, about Steve, about everything that has happened. There is a part of him that wants to stop running, that wants Steve to find him, but there is another part that still doesn’t want to face him quite yet. It is that part that makes him restless right now, that makes him speak to Clint._

_“We should leave in a couple of hours, we have stayed here too long.”_

_Truth is that they have only been in this area for three days but he knows Steve is looking and he can’t stay still for too long. Clint looks up at him and gives a little nod. There is another moment of quiet and Clint is looking at him, a curious expression on his face. He takes a breath after a moment and then he is asking a question._

_“You’re running from someone other than Hydra, aren’t you?”_

_He doesn’t understand how Clint has figured this out, how he seems to understand a little bit of what he is going through. He thinks about not answering, about getting up and leaving, but he would be alone again and he doesn’t want that right now._

_“Yes.”_

_He says just that and Clint doesn’t say anything else, probably doesn’t expect any more of an answer than that. He goes back to his bow, checking the string of it. He doesn’t have to tell Clint anymore but he finds that he wants to and so he does._

_“ My last mission, there was a man and I knew him. I cared for him and I almost killed him. I can’t let him find me, not till I’m sure I will not try to finish the mission.”_

_There are still orders in the back of his head sometimes, ones that tell him to finish his mission. He tries to push them far down but they still come sometimes and he isn’t sure that he can face Steve till the orders are gone._

_Clint puts his bow down at this, turns to him and he briefly brings a hand to his shoulder. Clint’s hand is warm against him and he can’t remember the last time someone has touched him so simply, with no purpose to it other than reassurance._

_“You won’t be able to avoid him forever. I know this, had something similar once, but I won’t tell you to wait for him. We can leave now, if you want. “_

_There is something unspoken in Clint’s words, something that makes him wonder about Clint’s bad dreams again. Maybe someday he will ask Clint about what happened to him before he found him, and someday he will give Clint a name to call him, but for now he gets up and packs the few things that they have and Clint helps._

Bucky is all wound tension as he makes his way back to the safe room. He is frustrated, upset that the others had not been able to find Loki, mad about the markings he saw on Clint’s body. They had all talked about what they know, about how Clint reacted earlier, about how there is no sign of Loki but that someone has been contacted that might be able to help tell them what has happened to Clint. It will be awhile before Strange shows up and Bucky wants to talk to Clint before that and so he makes his way into the room.

“How long are you planning to keep me prisoner?”

The question is spoken as soon as Bucky closes the door behind him. The words are spoken calmly but there is just a hint of hostility to them and Bucky can feel himself tense up just a bit more. He makes himself turn towards Clint, to answer the question as he makes his way to where Clint is sitting on the bed.

“We are keeping you here till we can fix whatever Loki did but you’re not a prisoner.”

Clint gives a bit of a snort at his answers, rolls his eyes. It is such a familiar gesture, one Bucky has seen often when they have been joking around but it isn’t the same as before.

“I’m pretty sure knocking someone out and dragging them somewhere they don’t want to be and then locking them up in a room they aren’t allowed to leave counts as taking them prisoner.”

His voice is laced with sarcasm and he seems so much like Clint, so much like how he was just this morning, but he has still been changed somehow, the way that he shifts on the bed when Bucky sits down next to him just one more little sign that something is very wrong with him. Bucky doesn’t reach out for him right now, though he wants to, instead he places his hands in his lap, faces Clint.

“Clint, you haven’t really given us much of a choice. Can you tell me about what happened, why you are trying to go to Loki?”

Bucky has no idea if the question will be answered but he still asks it. There is a moment of silence and Bucky waits while Clint just looks forward, away from Bucky. The fact that he isn’t looking at him almost feels worse than when he refuses to let Bucky touch him. A little more time passes, just a few minutes but it feels so much longer to Bucky and then Clint is speaking, still not looking at him.

“I already told you, I want to go to Loki because that is where I should be. I’m his, he showed me that.”

His voice is so calm, so sure and Bucky hates it. He is soon speaking, the words coming out rough and rushed .

“How did he show you, Clint? Did he show you by hurting you? I saw what he did to you, Clint, he isn’t going to do that again but I need to know how he did it. ”

He touches Clint now, his hand going to his hip, to the bite marks that are there. It is that small touch that makes Clint shift away from him more, to get up off the bed but he is facing Bucky now, is looking at him at least.

“ Why do you want to know what happened? So you can fix it? I don’t need to be fixed, I’m his now, that is just how it is.”

Once again his voice is so sure and Bucky gets up at it, grabs Clint by the arms and doesn’t let go even as Clint struggles.

“You’re not his. Whatever he did to you, we can change it, we will change it. I know you, Clint, and this isn’t you, you don’t want to be with Loki.”

Clint stills in his arms, looks straight into Bucky’s eyes. Those eyes are still so cold towards him and it makes him hurt and the words that come out of his mouth just makes that hurt grow worse.

“ I do now. I belong to him, the marks you saw are just proof of that.”

“Will you tell me how you got them?”

Bucky needs to know, the marks are old scars but Clint hasn’t aged, Loki only had him for a few minutes.

“I already told you how I got them, Loki showed me that I am his. “

He is being stubborn and he is moving in Bucky’s hold again. He lets him go and he hates how some of the tension in Clint’s body seems to melt away now that Bucky is no longer holding him. Bucky knows that he isn’t going to get much out of Clint right now, so he starts to head to the door.

“You are going to be looked over in a little bit, we have someone coming. We will find out what Loki did to you and how to reverse it, you’re not going to stay this.”

Bucky says this and then he is about to leave the room when Clint speaks.

“That is where you are wrong. This is going to end one of two ways, I either go back to Loki or you keep that promise you made once.”

He knows what promise Clint is talking about but Bucky won’t let it come to that.

“I’m going to keep you safe from Loki, I promise.”

He makes this new promise as he leaves the room, tries not to listen as Clint says that he doesn’t need to be kept safe from Loki. He hopes that Strange will be able to fix this, Bucky isn’t sure what he will do if he can’t.

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	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a little more. Let me know what you think.

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_Barton tells him anything that Loki asks about, tells him all about the avengers, all about what Fury might do. There are pauses in Barton’s talking at certain points, brief ones, but they are just enough to tell Loki that his mind is struggling against the control just a little bit. The struggle helps tell Loki just as much about Barton as what he says does. Right now, they are finishing up a meal and Loki asks about the one thing Barton has tried to protect more than others._

_“Who exactly is the spider to you?"_

_He had noticed the most hesitation with her name, she is important to Barton and Loki wants to know just how important. Barton is his now, will stay that way and Loki will not bear competition. There is a pause once again but it is not all due to hesitation right now. Barton had just taken a bite of an apple, one Loki gave to him when he had seen him eye it, saw no harm in giving him this small treat and he watches Barton swallows, his throat moving and his eyes turn to Loki._

_“She’s my partner.”_

_It is a simple answer but there is more to it than that, Loki knows this._

_“Have you taken her to bed as well?”_

_There is that slight pause again and Loki brings a hand to Barton’s neck, wraps his fingers around the back of it. It all the encouragement that is needed and Clint answers._

_“A long time ago but not anymore. She is all the family I have left.”_

_There is a fondness in his words and Loki knows that the widow has a claim on Barton. He wants to break it, wants Barton to be his only. Loki makes Clint tell him all about her, about her fears, her sins, every little drop of information that Barton possesses about the widow, Loki learns. He lets his pet finish his apple as he does so, keeps his hand on the back of his neck. If Loki was a little less possessive, he would let Barton keep her, perhaps make use of her, but he does not feel inclined to share and so he will have the widow die, by the hawk’s hand if possible. It will bind Barton even more closely to him._

Loki lies awake in bed, his hawk by his side as he should be, sleeping. There are chains on him once again, a few fresh marks upon his body, proof that Barton was once again misbehaving. He has been here with Loki for a while now, over a year and he still has not broken enough to Loki’s desire. It will happen eventually, Loki has made sure that there is time and he has yet to grow bored of Barton and so he intends to see this through.

There had been a moment, after the apple was first taken, that Loki thought perhaps Barton was close to giving in but that had been fleeting. He had to be put back in the chains within a few days of being freed from them and that was the start of a pattern of sorts, an almost game the two of them are playing, one Loki intends to win. Loki pushes Barton to a breaking point, there is a moment of submission and then Clint rises back up, becomes just as stubborn as he was being before and any privileges that Loki has granted him have to be taken away. Sleeping beside Loki every night is one of the few that he has kept since the apple but that is more because Loki wants him here than it being a reward. He likes having his hawk near him, looks over him now as he rests.

He touches Clint as he sleeps, trails his fingers over the marks he left today and the ones that have already scarred. Loki has been careful with everything he has done, anything that could cause Barton to not be of use has been healed with no lasting effect and the apple will ensure that he does not age quickly at all. He has made sure that some marks will stay, he wants Clint to have proof that he is Loki’s . His fingers graze Barton’s hip now, lightly touching his teeth marks. The touch makes Barton shift in his sleep just a bit, a murmured name coming from his lips as he does so.

“Bucky.”

Loki presses his fingers down on the marks now, is gripping his hip firmly. There is a flare of jealousy, of possessiveness, that comes just as it has every time Clint murmurs that name in his sleep. This isn’t the first time it has happened, Barton often dreams about the weapon, about Barnes. He isn’t the only his hawk still thinks about, the spider’s name has fallen from his mouth before as well. He does not like hearing either name come from his hawk’s lips. Barton’s focus should be Loki, not them. He tightens his grip even more, moves so that Barton is roused from his sleep, opening his eyes and trying to move from Loki’s grip.

“ You called his name again. Do you wish to pretend?”

It is nothing to switch forms as he says this, for the fingers gripping Barton’s hip to turn to cool metal. Barton looks away at him when he does this, tries not to look at him wearing Barnes’ face. Loki grabs his chin with his free hand, pulls it so that Clint is looking at him. He closes his eyes but Loki grips his chin tightly, a warning and they open again, his hawk not looking away now.

“No.”

It is spoken softly, but there is just a hint of anger in it. Loki simply changes back, moves his hand away from Clint’s face to the back of his neck. He pulls his head forward, claims a kiss now. Clint starts to yank his head away but Loki keeps it there, takes his fill. He looks forward to the day that the kiss is returned eagerly. For now, Loki takes what Barton does not want to give him.

He takes another kiss, his hand moving away from Clint’s hip to his cock, starts to stroke it. It makes him move, squirm, try to get away from Loki. After all this time, Barton still tries to shy away from his touch.

“You know what will happen if you try to move too much, hawk.”

It is a warning, spoken against Clint’s lips. It is enough to still him just a bit. Between the apple and Loki’s own magic, Barton can suffer quite a bit before any permeant harm and Loki has used this to his advantage many times now. His hawk will still risk disobedience but he usually waits till the right moment. Now is not one of those moments, his latest escape attempt still too fresh and Loki will not be lenient with him and so he stills just a little bit but there is still defiance written in his face.

“Good, hawk.”

He murmurs this once Clint stops shifting as much, keeps his hand working at his cock. Despite all his stubbornness, Clint’s body has started to learn Loki’s lessons, is starting to become accustomed to his touch. It only takes a few well timed strokes to get him to the hardness he wants and then he is pulling his hand away. He quickly sheds his own clothes and finds the oil. He doesn’t always prep Barton fully, sometimes he wants it to hurt just a bit, for him to feel it more, but right now Loki has something else in mind. He puts some oil on his fingers but he does not place them in Barton, instead bringing them to his own hole. He starts to work them in, wants to loosen himself up for this. He would have Barton do it but he is not quite tamed enough yet.

“Did he do this for you, hawk? Make a show of it? I wonder which hand he used, if he liked the feel of the cold.”

He says this as he keeps working his fingers in, as he sits so close to Barton. His words aren’t really much of a question, he knows quite a bit about Barton’s relationship with the weapon, had been able to gather information and see bits of what they have done through various means. He has seen some of Barton’s memories, his dreams, through the little thread of connection that still exists between them, a thread that doesn’t allow him control but does allow him a little more knowledge of his hawk. His words are meant as a taunt and they hit just as he intends them to.

“Don’t fucking talk about him, about what we did. You have no right.”

There is such anger as Barton says this, a glare with his words, and he is struggling in the chains again. Loki simply gives a little smirk, says a few words as he continues loosening himself.

“I have right. You are mine, not his.”

Loki stops his fingers now, pins Clint down and positions himself. Barton is still hard and Loki eases himself on to him as quickly as he can, takes Barton into him. It is a pleasant ache and Loki enjoys this almost as much as he enjoys taking his hawk. He starts to move, slowly, and it is enough that Clint takes a shaky breath as he squirms under Loki. Loki thinks Barton may hate this more than when Loki enters him but it does not matter, Clint is his and Loki will take all that he can from him.

He takes now, bending as he moves so that he can place little kisses and bites along Barton’s throat, his jaw as one of Loki’s hands works his own cock as he moves against Barton’s. Some of the kisses are gentle things, soft feathery caresses of Loki’s lips against his skin, while some are harsher, bites that almost draw blood. Clint tries not to respond but Loki knows his body well now and little whimpers escape him at certain touches.

“You should enjoy it, hawk, I won’t stop till you come.”

He pants this against Barton’s skin, so close to his own release but he means his words. He won’t move away from him till Clint comes and he moves a little faster, is coming so close, his fingers moving up and down. Someday soon enough it will be his hawk’s fingers doing this but for now, he finds his pleasure with his own hand, spills it out onto Barton’s skin. His hawk has closed his eyes now, has turned his head away and his breath has increased. He is so very close and Loki keeps moving, already finding his own release but he wants Barton to come as well. He grabs his chin when he knows Barton is almost there, tilts his head up and puts a little pressure so that his eyes open.

“I want you to look at me, hawk, want you to know just who you are with.”

He can feel Barton come as he speaks those words, watches his eyes widen and his breath come out in pants. Loki gives him a kiss as he pulls himself off of Barton. He cleans himself but he leaves Barton dirty, wants the proof of what has been done to him to stain his skin for a little while. He pulls him close to him, threads his fingers through Clint’s hair. He speaks to his hawk as he does so, words meant to draw attention to the fact that his hawk still thinks of others.

“You still dream about them, little hawk, still cling to the broken things you love so much. The widow and the weapon, both so stained with blood and yet you consider me the monster, refuse to be mine when you have let others claim you that are so tainted. Are they really so much more worthy of your devotion then I am?”

He asks the question and he is not surprised when he gets a gritted out yes as an answer. It makes his fingers tighten in his hawk’s hair, that pang of jealousy again. Barton is his, he will see that, Loki will make sure of it.

“That is the wrong answer. I will prove to you hawk, that you are mine, that you belong nowhere other than my side. Your feelings for them will fade with enough time, you will see.”

There is a shake of Barton’s head but Loki does not concern himself with it, simply goes back to holding his hawk to his side. Loki will continue to take from him till there is nothing left that isn’t his, until his hawk starts to give. By the time he is done, there will be nothing that his hawk cares about more than Loki, he will make sure of it.

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	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long, got a little stuck on it. If anyone wants to talk about this story with me, this is my tumblr https://www.tumblr.com/blog/denna5 and you can message me there. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy.

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_This isn’t the cleanest environment that Clint has ever had to clean a partner’s wound but it isn’t the dirtiest. This motel is cheap and they don’t ask questions but they still clean the rooms semi regularly so Clint figures they could be somewhere a lot worse. They have medical supplies, gauze, things to clean wounds with, aspirin, even a few painkillers, and so all in all, if one of them had to get hurt, now was probably the best time. Clint has been in worse situations and the soldier seems very clam right now so there isn’t any reason to not get started._

_“This is going to sting a bit. Sure you don’t want some pain killers right now?”_

_Clint has already offered them once but they were refused and he gets a shake of a head again now. The soldier is not big on drugs and from what Clint has learned about him, he can’t blame him._

_“I have had worse. It will heal, do what you need to do, I won’t move.”_

_Clint believes him and so he simply give a little nod before starting to clean the wound that the soldier picked up on their latest Hydra attack. It isn’t anything too bad, a graze to the side from a bullet, didn’t even get lodged in there but it still needs to be cleaned. Clint has patched up worse wounds with less materials before so this isn’t much of a challenge and he keeps his touch soft as he starts to wash off the dirt near it. Once that is done, he gets out the peroxide and starts to pour it over the small gash the bullet made on his side. The soldier is true to his word and he doesn’t move as the peroxide bubbles. When that is done, Clint gets out the gauze and starts to wrap the wound so that it will not start bleeding again._

_“Thanks for getting me out of the way.”_

_Clint hadn’t really had a chance to thank him before so he does so now. He seems a bit confused by Clint’s thanks but he starts to speak as Clint starts putting the medical supplies away._

_“You are not as durable as I am. “_

_Clint just gives a bit of a shrug because it is the truth. The soldier heals fast, Clint has seen it, and so the wound will be gone in the next few days. The soldier keeps speaking._

_“Besides, it would be too quiet if you weren’t around anymore.”_

_“Are you saying I’m noisy?”_

_“Yes. “_

_This is spoken with just a hint of a smile like the solider is making a joke and Clint likes the hint of a smile. The soldier has been becoming more relaxed these last few weeks and Clint really should figure out a name to call him. He hasn’t given one this whole time and though Clint could ask again, he doesn’t push. He has ideas about who he is, who he was before all this, but that doesn’t mean that is who he wants to be. Clint can wait till he is given a name, wants him to decide what he wants to be called. For now, he asks a different question._

_“You hungry? There is dinner nearby, we should be able to get something if you’re up to it.”_

_He gets a nod from the soldier and about twenty minutes later he is in a booth with him. When the soldier gets a slice of pie to go with his meal, Clint sees a full smile this time and decides that it doesn’t matter if he has a name to call him yet, he is going to stay and help him out till the soldier makes him leave._

There is blood dripping down Clint’s back, he can feel the wetness of it and it is a feeling he has grown used to these last couple of years. He can’t see the cuts but he knows just where Loki has cut him, has kept track of each time the blade has sliced him. Today it has only been six but they had been long, deep, a few going almost the width of his back. Loki told him that each cut was for a day that he had been missing, this being the longest he has managed to be away from Loki, the furthest he has managed to run. Six days of the hope of finally ending this, six days of trying to figure out where he is, six days of trying to contact the others, and it doesn’t matter now. Six days of almost freedom and Clint still finds himself back here, chained while Loki goes through the familiar routine of punishing Clint for running.

Clint has been able to handle the punishments for the most part, this isn’t the first time he has been tortured after all, not the first time he has been beaten. Loki knows about many of the other times Clint has felt pain, has used it to his advantage when planning out his punishments. Clint’s bones have been broken, he has had to deal with fire and ice, food and water being withheld, but Loki’s favorite is still to bleed him, to cut marks upon his body and watch the blood drip to the floor. With the apple Clint was made to eat, it will take a long time for him to bleed out now and Loki delights in it, in coating Clint’s skin red. His back is sticky with the cooling blood and Loki has finally put the knife down.

“I do like how you look like this, bloody and chained.”

Loki says this close to Clint’s ear, lips moving to bite at the spot right below it, the spot that Bucky used to kiss when they would wake up. He doesn’t react to the bite, doesn’t move away from it. He had discovered long ago that sometimes it is better to not react to what Loki does, to not show any emotion towards his actions.

“Sometimes, I think you enjoy this, hawk, enjoy the pain, the chains. There are easier ways to accomplish it than trying to flee. “

Loki moves some of his fingers to Clint’s back as he says this, digs his nails into one of the cuts, and scraps it so that it opens more. It hurts but Clint doesn’t make a sound and Loki goes back to kissing his neck.

“If you want it, need it, all you have to do is ask me. You are mine, anything you need, I will give you.”

He places a kiss against that spot now, a soft brush of lips against the bite he left. Clint can’t help the anger that rises in him and he lashes out now, words coming out in angry rush as he jerks away from him.

“What I need is my freedom, what I need is to be away from you.”

Loki grabs his face at this, tilts it so that Clint has no choice but to look at him.

“What you need is to accept your place, accept that you are mine. Things will become so much more pleasant for you once you do.”

Loki’s fingers loosen a bit with his words, fingers stroking along his jaw line. The fingers at his back are no longer digging into the cuts, a tiny bit of relief from the pain. He gives Clint a kiss on his lips now, one that is soft, almost gentle before he pulls away from him. He gets up and Clint doesn’t bother trying to track his movements, his back hurts and Clint is a little too weak from blood loss to do much of anything and he is certain that his punishment isn’t over yet. When Loki comes back, he sits behind Clint and there is a moment of waiting before Clint feels something wet and cold on his back.

“I will show you, hawk, show you just how much better it will be for you once you understand, once you give up on the others.”

Loki murmurs this as he starts to wash the blood off of Clint’s back, his hands being careful with how he touches the cuts. He is being gentle right now and Clint hates this even more than the cutting, hates when Loki does this ritual of pretending to be kind.

He cleans each cut carefully now, kisses each one when it is clean, soft feathery kisses against Clint’s skin. His lips are cool and feel sort of nice against the cuts but Clint tries not to think about that. Loki speaks as he goes about his work, words letting cool breath across his back.

“You are stronger than most think you are, little hawk. You take the pain so well, hold up against it, these marks are just proof of that. I think that I will let them stay.”

Loki moves away now and Clint knows that he isn’t going to heal these today. He does that sometimes, makes Clint heal on his own so that something scar. Loki wants Clint to be marked by him, the teeth marks that now rest on his hips are proof of that and Clint hates it.

“I will give you something for the pain latter. First, there is something else I want to give you.”

Loki has finished cleaning his back up now and moves to be in front of Clint. He trails his fingers across Clint’s hips down his thighs and then settles them on his cock. He tries to shift away from the touch but Loki does not allow it.

“You have a choice.”

Loki says this and his fingers start to stroke, touch still soft. Clint has an idea about the choice, it is one Loki gives him quite a bit, the choice of whether Clint wants to pretend or not.

He gave in once, after a particularly rough punishment, when Loki had spent the whole time taunting him about Bucky, about how he doesn’t need Clint, how Clint would always be a distant second to Steve. Clint tried not to listen, tried to ignore all of Loki’s words, the ones that played upon dark thoughts that Clint had had before. He had wanted nothing more in that moment than to see Bucky, to be able to reassure himself that he meant something to the other man, that he had said yes when Loki had offered. The god had smiled at his choice, had turned himself into Bucky quickly enough. Loki had touched Clint then, touched him with Bucky’s hands, spoke to him with Bucky’s voice, kissed him with Bucky’s lips. It was a lie, one that Clint wanted told at the time, but still a lie. It didn’t make him feel any better and Loki’s words still stuck with him long after that.

Clint will not give in this time, is prepared to say no but Loki asks for a different choice.

“My hands or my mouth?”

Clint is almost grateful that he isn’t asking about pretending today. Clint doesn’t answer, doesn’t’ really care. He would prefer that Loki not touch him at all but that isn’t an option. There is a moment of quiet before Loki grabs his chin again, squeezes his face.

“I need an answer. Your choice?”

Clint thinks about it for just a second before replying mouth. At least this way Loki won’t be able to talk during it. Loki moves his head down there now, takes Clint into his mouth. This is the first time he has done this, taken Clint like this, and it is different. Loki is good at this, his hands resting at Clint’s hips, fingers stroking there gently and his mouth works steadily, licking and sucking gently, and if it was anyone else, Clint would enjoy this. This is Loki though and his actions right now mostly confuse Clint.

Loki usually take from Clint, his pleasure always the first objective but this doesn’t seem to be about Loki. He is working on drawing out noises, on trying to make this good for Clint. Clint is fighting against it, is trying not to react but his body is used to Loki’s touch now even if it is used to this. He is going to come from this, there is no doubt about it, and so Clint closes his eyes as he gets ready to, pretends that the dark hair he can feel against his skin belongs to someone else. His hips are bucking into it now and the hands at his hips tighten their hold just a bit. He doesn’t call out anything as he comes but his breath comes out shaky and Loki’s mouth pulls away now.

“You taste almost sweet. I think I can grow fond of that taste.”

Loki says this as he wipes his mouth, as he gives a kiss to the bite marks at Clint’s hip. He expects Loki to bit down like he usually does but he doesn’t. Instead, he gets up, moves away for just a bit. He comes back after only a few moments and starts to unlock the chains around Clint. he wants to last out but he is still worn out and his wounds hurt and so Loki picks him up with out much of a problem, takes him to a tub that is filled with warm water. It stings the cuts at first but it helps to relax the muscles. Loki leaves him in the bath for a few minutes before returning with a small bottle. He hands it to Clint after opening it.

“For the pain, take it. I will force it down if I have to.”

Clint wants to refuse it but he knows that Loki will just pour it down his throat and if it will do something other than ease the pain, Loki would hint at it. For being such a liar, Loki has not hidden much truth from him. He swallows it down quickly and Loki takes the bottle from him. The cuts numb after a few minutes and when the water has cooled, Loki takes him from the tub. He expects to be put back in the chains but he isn’t, Loki placing him on the bed instead, on his side so that his cuts are not bothered. What ever Loki gave him, it makes him tired and he just lays there, Loki besides him, hands running through his hair as he tells Clint how he will never let him go. The words are a threat and Clint hates them, hates Loki, but he doesn’t fight the sleep coming and soon darkness claims him.

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“I’m not injured, don’t see why this check up is needed. Or why there is such a crowd in here.”

Clint says this directly to Bruce but he makes sure the others hear it as well, the others in this case being Bucky and Steve. They stand just a bit away from where Bruce has Clint, only a few feet away and Steve is so very close to Bucky. There was a time when it would have almost made Clint a feel little jealousy but now it is only a reminder that Bucky isn’t his, not really, and that whatever he had with him doesn’t matter. What matters is getting back to Loki, getting them to understand that Clint isn’t theirs anymore. If this check up helps make them understand, than Clint isn’t going to fight it, simply spoke earlier to see what reaction he would get.

“We want to have all the information possible, figure out just what was done to you. This shouldn’t take too long.”

Bruce says this simply and goes back to looking over Clint, draws a sample of his blood, takes his vitals. He asks Clint a few questions as he works and Clint keeps his answers simple and he can feel Bucky’s eyes on him the whole time. Bruce has Clint take off his shirt after a while, looks over the faded marks on his back.

“Are these from a knife? Were they all made at the same time?”

The question comes as Bruce touches one of the marks. Clint shifts away from the touch just a bit, doesn’t like someone else touching Loki’s mark.

“Yes, to both.”

There is just a bit of a frown on Bruce’s face right now.

“They look like they were deep, you could have bleed out or got an infection. How didn’t you?”

He asks and Clint waits just a moment before answering.

“Loki gave me a gift, made me more than what I was, made me his.”

It is the truth, the apple had been a gift, and Clint knows that now, just as he knows that he is Loki’s. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Barnes tense up just a bit, can see Rogers putting a calming hand on his shoulder. They have always touched each other so freely and Clint had once been worried about it but now it doesn’t matter. Bruce looks like he is going to ask about what Clint has just said when he is interpreted.

“Sirs, Doctor Strange is here now, he is on his way up here.”

Jarvis says this and Bruce moves away now, says he can finish up later, that he should take the blood to his lab. Bruce leaves and it is just the three of them now, waiting for Strange. Clint puts his shirt back on, stays seated on the bed.

“He isn’t going to be able to change anything, I’m not under a spell.”

Clint looks to them as he says this, makes sure to catch Barnes’s eyes. He expects him to say something now but it is Rogers who speaks instead.

“You talked about Loki giving you a gift, for all we know, that is what is causing you to act this way. We just want to see if anything can be done to help you.”

There is quiet for just a moment after Steve’s words but then Bucky is coming closer, sits down next to Clint. He doesn’t touch him, just looks to him.

“Are you going to put up a fight about this?”

The question is asked simply enough and there is no reason to lie.

“No, he can look me over, I won’t fight it. It won’t change anything, I’m Loki’s now. You should accept it.”

Bucky tenses up next to him when he says this, upset once again. Steve has come closer to them both and there is a sympathetic look on his face right now. He doesn’t move to touch Bucky right now but Clint can tell that he wants to. Steve has always been there for Bucky, will always be there, and it is another reminder that Bucky doesn’t need Clint, even if he thinks he does.

“I’m not going to accept that and if you were yourself, you wouldn’t be talking like this.”

Bucky grits this out, is staring at Clint now. He thinks about what to say to him, what words would make him give up on this idea that Clint is somehow not Loki’s, when the door opens and Strange enters.

“You require my assistance?”

He asks as soon as he is in the room and Steve and Bucky both go to him. Clint simply stays seated, listens as they explain to Strange what is going on. When everything has been explained, Strange turns to him.

“This may cause just a bit of discomfort and it will be easier if you are resting. Are you allright with a sedative being used?”

Clint just gives a bit of a nod, tells them to just get it over with. Steve leaves for just a minute and when he comes back, he has a needle. Bucky takes it from him and goes to Clint and Clint offers his arm up easily enough. Bucky puts the needle in it, gentle and his hand stays on the crock of Clint’s arm a little more than needed.

“We are going to get things figured out, you are going to be allright.”

Clint doesn’t respond, simply lays down once Bucky moves away. He starts to drift off and as he does, he notices the slightly hopeful look on Bucky’s face. Clint doesn’t say anything about it but he knows that once Strange is done, that hope is going to be crushed. Nothing can be changed and they ae going to have to learn that just like Clint did.

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	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is a little bit more. It may be a while for more of an update from me on any of my fics as I am going on vacation soon. I hope to update broken parts before that but it may not happen. I hope everyone enjoys.

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_Loki finds himself in a glass cage but it isn’t anything he hasn’t already been prepared for. Barton had already spoke to him about it as they made this plan. He had spoken about how Fury would consider Loki a threat of unknown proportions and would err on the side of caution and put him somewhere fit for a beast that would still allow him to be interviewed. His hawk knows how Fury works, knows how many of Loki’s foes work and the information has proved valuable. He will make certain to reward Barton fittingly once everything is over, once this world is his but first he must focus on other things, on the widow._

_She is quiet when she enters and he looks her over as they speak, thinks about all that Barton has told him. She is beautiful, bright red hair, green eyes and she looks so frail, like the right touch would shatter her to pieces. From what Barton has told him, that aura of frailty is lie but not as much as she likes to believe. Barton knows her weakness, her strengths, admires her for both and it is that admiration that makes Loki despises her just a bit._

_“Is this love, Agent Romanoff?”_

_He asks now, wants to know her answer. He knows Barton’s, has heard him speak about how he loves her, even if now it is that of family and not that of a lover, and he wants to know just how deep her own affection for Barton is. When she speaks, her words are simple and she looks straight at him._

_“Love is for children. I owe him a debt.”_

_He knows the debt she is speaking of, how Barton has led her to a path of redemption. He speaks to her about this, about everything that she has done, wants to pick her apart. She has Barton’s affection without doing much to earn it, has his heart when it should only be Loki’s and this is enough to make him lash out, to tell her a lie, to threaten Barton._

_“You’re a monster.”_

_She no longer faces him and the words are spoken softly and he speaks more, wants to spite her._

_“No, you brought the real monster here.”_

_These words make something shift and she is turning around, speaking and there is no longer any shaky quality to her words._

_“So the hulk, that is your plan?”_

_She has tricked him and he is just a tiny bit shocked by it. She leaves now, calm and he wonders how much of before was a trick, if she ever lets anyone really see her. He remembers now some more of Barton’s words about her, how she doesn’t prey on other’s weaknesses as much as she lets them try to prey on what they think are hers. He can almost understand why Barton admires her but it does not matter. Barton is his and the widow is too much of a threat to that. Loki will enjoy when she is gone, when he can have all of Barton’s heart._

Breaking his hawk is taking time but Loki knows not to rush it. If he tries to break him too quickly, he will be left with nothing more than a shell, something less than what Barton was when he was under the tesseract’s spell. Loki wants Barton, wants his heart and so he is careful with how much he pushes at a time, with how much he takes from his hawk without giving something in return. It is a delicate process, breaking him like this and not just binding his will to Loki’s with magic but he knows that once broken, once shaped to Loki’s desire, that it will be harder for him to be reclaimed by the avengers and Loki intends to keep him.

His hawk has not broken, not completely, not yet. Clint is strong, stubborn, and he continues to fight, to try to run from Loki. None of his attempts at escape have been successful, though once he was able to avoid recapture for six days. There are scars upon his back now that serve as a reminder of that attempt, a reminder that Loki was kind in his punishment that time. It was the days after that, when Loki tried to show his hawk just how nice things could be if he stopped running, that Loki starts to see the first real fractures in Clint, the first true little signs that he is starting to break, that all Loki has to do is press upon the right weaknesses and his hawk will become his. There is one that he presses upon often, one that Loki understands much too well, the worry of abandonment, the fear of being alone, not worth enough. It is that fear that Loki preys upon the most even when he is not harming Clint in any other way.

“Do you still think that you will be able to go back to them?”

He asks Clint this right now as they share their evening meal. Clint doesn’t say anything and Loki keeps his eyes on him as he continues to simply take a bite of his bread. A few moments pass and there is still no answer and so Loki simply continues to speak.

“Or have you finally accepted that you cannot return to them? Have you finally realized that they will leave you behind now that they no longer need you?”

Clint still says nothing, puts the bread down and looks away from Loki. There is a tenseness in him and Loki knows that he is getting to him right now. He gets up now, moves closer to his hawk and makes sure that he is right in front of him, grabs his chin so that he is forced to look at him.

“You know that they do not need you, do you not? Why do you keep trying to run back to them when you are not needed?”

There is anger in Clint’s eyes but Loki can also see just a hint of doubt, one that he has seen many times before. He likes to taunt him about them, about the avengers and more importantly Barnes and Romanoff. Barton is fond of them and Loki wants to break that fondness, wants all the affection that Clint possesses to be for him. He squeezes Barton’s chin now, a hint that he wants an answer and another few moments pass before Clint speaks.

“Why do you care why I want to go back to them?”

It is a question instead of an answer and it tells Loki just enough to know that he has hit a little bit of a nerve right now. He gives a smile as he answers, a smile full of teeth.

“Because you are mine and they do not deserve you, only noticed you because they needed you once. “

He lets go of Clint’s chin now, decides that the meal is over and grabs his hawk’s arm. He is not in the chains right now and he struggles as Loki pulls him out of his seat. Loki simply grabs both of this arms now, maneuvers him to their bed. He speaks as he forces him onto it, as he lays down beside him and takes him into his arms.

“They have no further need of you, the spider is on her path to redemption and the soldier has Rogers to help him feel human and the others see your skill but think it replaceable. You know what happens to things that are not needed, after all you have been tossed aside before. ”

When Clint had been under his control before, he had told Loki all about his life, about his brother, about the circus. It is knowledge that serves Loki well and he hints at it now and holds his hawk close to him. There is less struggling now, Clint stilling a bit in his arms. Loki almost smiles but he speaks instead.

“I am different than all the others, hawk, I will not toss you aside.”

His hand goes to Clint’s back, touches the cut marks hidden by fabric right now with his words. Clint does not move away from the touch yet and a moment passes.

“Don’t pretend like you need me, don’t act like I need you.”

The words come from Clint now and they are spoken with annoyance. It is something that Loki has gotten used to these last few years, the way he tries to deny Loki, tries to act like everything that is happening isn’t bothering him. Loki simply moves his hand, moves so that he can start to take Clint’s clothes off as he speaks.

“I do not need you but I want you. You will learn in time that that is better than simple need and you will need me in time.”

This is all that Loki says as he finishes removing Clint’s shirt, starts on his pants. Soon enough his hawk is bare and then Loki sheds his own cloths and takes what he wants now. Barton lets it happen now, knows that if he doesn’t put up too much of a struggle when Loki wants him that it is better, that the struggling just leads to more punishment. He is still not eager for it, still does not participate much besides the responses that his body can not help, the responses that have been conditioned into it with years of Loki’s touch, but Loki knows that the eagerness will come with enough time. All Loki has to do is break his hawk down and then he will be glad to do what Loki wants.

He keeps up with pushing upon his hawk’s weaknesses as time passes, upon his feelings of worth, of what others think about him. It is grating his hawk just as it hurts him and he lashes out at times, tries to push upon Loki’s own weaknesses. Sometimes, he is a little more successful than Loki will ever admit but it just proves that Loki’s words are starting to sink in. He hasn’t tried a full escape in a while and when he does, Loki has something in mind that will help break his hawk down even further. All he has to do is wait for the right time.

The right time comes soon enough, his hawk trying to run again and Loki catches him easily enough. He has him chained and there is defiance written in his features but also disappointment. He is waiting for Loki to start the cutting, to start to bleed him and to bruise him but he has something else in mind this time. He kneels down in front of his hawk, brings his hands gently to his face, fingers caressing the skin near his eyes as he speaks.

“You have such sight, hawk, such beautiful eyes that see so much yet you cannot see that you are mine. Perhaps you need some time in the dark so that you can appreciate the light.”

Both hands move quickly with his words, cover both of Clint’s eyes as he starts the spell. His hawk tries to move away but the magic has already started. He screams in pain as Loki blinds him, as he takes away his sight. It is over in just a moment and Loki removes his hands as his hawk passes out from the pain of the spell. He takes him out of the chains, takes him to the bed, lays him down. He places kiss upon each of his closed eyes. When Barton wakes up, it will be to a world he has never known but Loki will be here to guide him through it, guide him closer to being Loki’s.

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	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to rewrite part of this today because my computer did not save it and so comments would be awesome.

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Bucky sits on the bed with Clint as Strange gets ready to perform the spell to see what magic has been done to Clint, takes Clint’s hand after Strange says it will not interfere with the magic. He holds it like he did before, holds it while Clint sleeps, while Steve stands near by and Strange starts his magic. Bucky can feel just an almost tingle as the magic starts and Clint shifts a little bit in his sleep but Bucky does not let go of his hand. He still has a hold of it when Strange finishes it, when he looks at Clint for just a moment with a look Bucky can’t quite read but knows means nothing good. There is a moment of silence before Strange speaks, voice filled with apology and concern.

“I am sorry. I cannot reverse what he has gone through.”

The words make Bucky tighten his hold on Clint’s hand, make him feel sick. He doesn’t want to believe it, refuses to believe it and he is about to say something when Steve does instead.

“Are you saying there was no magic done to him?”

Strange shakes his head slightly at Steve’s words and Bucky feels just a small flicker of hope that burns away when the man speaks again.

“No, I am saying that he is under no compulsion spells, that whatever Loki did to him to make him this way cannot be reversed like a spell could. He has been changed but the magic that was done can not be altered and it did not change his will, something else did that.”

Strange’s words make Bucky think about the scars on Clint now, how Clint said that Loki showed him that he is his, that Loki gave him a gift. Bucky has to know just what is happening, just what Clint is going through and so he finds his voice, words coming out of his throat though it feels tight right now.

“What magic was done to him and how has he been changed?”

Strange speaks now and the sick feeling in Bucky increases with every word he says.

“There were a lot of healing spells done on him, a few that were done to cause harm as well but those were taken care of, no lasting damage done to him except for whatever scars may have been left behind. His life energy has shifted, has changed. It isn’t reading as completely mortal anymore.”

“What do you mean that he isn’t reading as mortal anymore?”

He asks the question, confusion coloring his voice. Steve has come closer to him now, stands right beside him as Strange starts to explain what has happened. He talks about life force, about how a mortal one looks, about how Clint’s has changed now, how it looks like Clint will not age now, that they would need to check his blood to be certain but that he thinks Loki gave Clint a golden apple.

“That doesn’t explain the scars, how old they look, how he was only gone a few minutes. “

Bucky says this, needs to know more about what has happened. He has an idea now of just what Loki may have done, just what ways he may have broken Clint, but it still doesn’t make any sense, there wasn’t enough time for Loki to torture Clint to the point of making him like this.

“There are some realms where time works differently than here. If Loki took him to one of those, a few minutes here could have been years, decades there.”

Bucky feels sick with the realization of just what has happened, at the idea that Clint could have been in Loki’s hands for decades. He can’t speak right now, can really do nothing but hold Clint tighter as Steve talks to Strange for a little while longer, as Strange tells them that he can ward the tower so that Clint can at least be protected from Loki right now. He starts to leave the room so that he may do that and Steve turns to Bucky, looks at him with worry and sadness.

“We need to talk to the others, Buck, need to come up with a plan. We will figure out a way to help him.”

He is trying to sound reassuring but Bucky doesn’t feel reassured. He feels terrified, horrified at just what might have happened to Clint and he can’t make himself get up yet and so he tells Steve to give him just a few minutes and then he will meet with everybody. Steve gives a reluctant nod and then leaves the room, leaves Bucky still clinging to Clint feeling more helpless than he has in months.

_He feels like less of a weapon the longer he is away from Hydra, feels more like a person the longer he is with Clint. More memories are coming to the surface and he doesn’t hear orders in his head as much. He isn’t quite who he used to be, can’t tell Clint to call him Bucky or find Steve yet, but he can talk to Clint a little more, can sit close to him, can have Clint touch him without wanting to move away, and he trusts Clint in a way. There is something calming about having Clint around, something nice about not being alone anymore and so he doesn’t leave or make Clint leave even if sometimes he thinks he should, if sometimes he feels guilt for keeping Clint with him._

_Clint has a life somewhere, one that Hydra pulled him away from and one he has not gone back to yet because he is here with Bucky. He has found out little pieces of that life, has found out information about Clint just as he has sometimes given Clint a little bit of his past. He knows enough now to know that Clint knows Steve, that he was with SHIELD, that he fought at the battle of New York, and that he was once used in a similar way as Bucky even if it wasn’t for as long. Hydra got him and enough has been found out now that he knows exactly what Hydra had planned to do to Clint. They saw Clint as his possible replacement, hadn’t gotten around to giving him the serum or breaking him completely, but they were going to use Clint just as they had him and that is one of the main reasons Bucky doesn’t make Clint leave, the other being he likes having him around, likes having someone he can almost call a friend. He wants Clint to stay with him, wants to keep him safe like he used to with Steve, and with this want comes fear of losing him, of not being able to keep him safe._

_It has been a long time since he has felt fear, a long time since he had something to lose. When he was the soldier, he had nothing to lose, nothing that was his. Everything that he had, everything that he was, already belonged to Hydra and so he could not lose it, had no fear except that of not finishing his missions, of not obeying orders quickly enough and having to be punished. Now that he is no longer the soldier, there is so much he could lose, that they could take away. He could lose his returning memories of Steve, of who he was, who he is becoming now, and Clint. He knows that Hydra is still looking for him, that they wish to reclaim their weapon and as much as he is afraid of what will happen if they get him back, he is even more afraid of what they could do to Clint. They had plans for him once, no doubt are looking for him as well and he has no idea what will happen to Clint if Hydra manages to get ahold of them. Will they simply kill him? Will they keep him as a back up if the soldier breaks his programing again? Will they break Clint down just because they can? Those thoughts worry him and he tries not to think about them, tries to keep Clint as safe as he can, tries to keep sight of him whenever they attack a base. He manages to keep Clint safe until one day when he doesn’t get to Clint in time, when he can’t put himself in-between Clint and the danger._

_They get separated, not out of each other’s sight but not close to each other and there ends up being quite a few agents in-between them. Something else is going on, something besides just Clint and him being here and it has caused the base to be on high alert, for the agents here to be a little more vicious, to try to get them subdued quickly. They are shooting, not bullets, probably tranquilizers, and he avoids them, manages to disarm the agents closest to him, but out of the corner of his eyes he sees that Clint is not so lucky.   A dart manages to hit Clint in the shoulder and he doesn’t get a chance to pull it out. Whatever is in the darts is fast acting and he sees Clint collapse to the floor, the Hydra agents surrounding him and it is his fears coming true._

_The next moments are a blur. All he can think about is getting to Clint, making sure that they don’t take him out of this room. He is fast and he is ruthless and soon enough, he is the only still standing in the room, the only one still awake. He makes his way over to Clint, bends down next to him. Clint is so still, his body not moving at all and he feels like a failure now, feels that same sense of dread that he did when he pulled Steve out of the water and wasn’t sure if he was alive._

_He pulls Clint into his arms, puts his fingers on his throat, on his pulse point. It takes a moment, a moment that feels like an eternity, but he feels a pulse. It is faint but it is there and he moves his hand to Clint’s chest now, can feel it rise and fall just slightly in breath. Clint is alive and there is relief but also worry because his pulse is faint and his skin is clammy and pale. He holds Clint tight, tries to think about what would be the best thing to do right now._

_There are footsteps now, he can hear them. Someone is coming and by the sound of it, it is only a couple of people. He adjusts Clint in his arms, does want to let go of him right now. He keeps a hold of him with one hand, the other finding one of his guns quickly, aiming it in the direction of the door. A few seconds pass and then a figure is in the door way, one that is just familiar enough that he finds himself moving the gun away, putting it down as a voice he hasn’t heard in a while speaks._

_“Bucky, I’m going to come closer, it will be alright.”_

_Steve is here and he is walking slowly towards them now and Bucky knows that he can’t run anymore. He doesn’t want to run anymore and he needs help, Clint needs help, and so he looks to Steve as he comes closer, speaks softly._

_“I need to get him somewhere safe, get him medical care. Can you help me with that?”_

_Steve is almost to them and he gives a nod, looks at who he is holding. He stills for just a moment, a question escaping his mouth._

_“Clint?”_

_Bucky gives just a nod and Steve looks curious but he doesn’t say much more, bends down like he is going to take Clint out of Bucky’s arms. He shifts Clint, gets up with him in his arms before Steve can move him. Steve looks like he wants to ask something but Bucky stops him before he can._

_“I will talk to you about everything later, about what I remember, about what has happened, but first I need him safe, just take me somewhere he is safe.”_

_“We will get you both somewhere safe. It is going to be alright, Bucky.”_

_Steve’s words are calming and he wants them to be true. He holds Clint tightly as they walk out of the base, as he follows Steve. It is time for him to stop running._

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	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a bit more and there is also a warning for attempted suicide.

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_Waking up to find Natasha sitting next to him, eyes fixed complexly on him is nothing new. It is almost comforting, seeing her again after so many months of not being around but last thing he knew he was at a Hydra base being shot at and now he is waking up to in a bed with a heart monitor beeping next to him and Natasha right next to his bed. Something major has happened since he got hit with that dart and Clint really has no idea what to even ask about first. Natasha seems to know this and so she speaks before he has a chance to._

_“You are at Stark tower, Steve and Sam brought both of you here after a raid on a Hydra base. You were hit with a tranquilizer that was meant to subdue the winter soldier. You were out for a while and we had to monitor you, but you should be fine though you’re a little banged up and you didn’t call me the last few months.”_

_Her hand goes to his at her last words, fingers holding his and it is her way of letting him know that she was worried, that she had missed him, and that they are going to have to have a long talk soon. He rubs his thumb along her fingers as he speaks._

_“Kind of got caught up in something, didn’t mean to go so long without letting you know I was ok. You said both of you, is he here then?”_

_“ He is in a safe room, we aren’t sure how many triggers are still there but he came willingly, let himself be moved there once he was sure you were being looked after.”_

_Natasha’s words sound reassuring and there is a bit of guilt that he has to be in a safe room but there is also relief that Hydra did not get him._

_“You always have had a habit of picking up strays. Do you know who he is, did he give you his real name?”_

_She says this now, doesn’t move her hand away from his yet. Natasha doesn’t always need physical reassurance but it has been a while since they have been near each other and so much has happened since then, so much has changed and so Clint simply holds her hand and answers her question._

_“He never gave me a name but I figured out quickly enough that he was the winter soldier and I thought he might have a connection to Steve.”_

_There is so much more he could tell her, that he will tell her, but this seems to be enough for this moment and Natasha gives him just a hint of a smile, one that says he is right or at least on the right track._

_“He’s Bucky Barnes, Steve has known him since childhood and apparently the last few months, you have been taking down Hydra bases with him.”_

_There is curiosity in her voice, just a hint of it that most people would not notice but Clint knows her well, he gives her an answer._

_“He found me and I couldn’t let him go it alone. He didn’t seem ready to stop running yet so I just ran with him.”_

_It is such a simple explanation and it is the truth, even if there is a little more to it than that. There is a look of understanding in Natasha’s eyes at his words and then a few seconds of quiet._

_“I should go see him.”_

_He moves his hand away from hers at his words, starts to get ready to sit up and leave the bed, but Nat stops him._

_“In a little bit. Steve is with him and Jarvis will let them know that you are awake. For now, you are going to get looked over again and have some food before you leave this bed. “_

_Her tone holds no room for debate and so Clint just gives a nod and settles back down in the bed and lets Natasha take his hand again. He did miss her these last months and there will be time to check on the soldier, on Barnes later._

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It takes him a little while to wake up and Clint doesn’t open his eyes right away. There is a dull pain in his head, one focused right behind his eyes. He isn’t quite sure what has caused it, just knows that it is probably a side effect of whatever punishment Loki gave him. He isn’t really thinking about what happened right before he passed out, is focusing more on the pain in his head and how quiet the room is right now. There is no sound of Loki, no other weight on the bed other than Clint’s. He may be alone right now and he can’t feel the chains around him. This could be another chance to leave but Clint knows he has to be careful. He opens his eyes now but he can’t see anything yet.

There is nothing but darkness, no light in the room. He takes a few deep breaths as he sits up, as he waits for his eyes to adjust to the lack of light. There are still no shapes forming, still nothing appearing in front of his eyes but darkness and there is a rush of panic, a horrifying realization occurring the longer that Clint sees nothing but darkness. The pain is still behind his eyes, he can’t see anything, and Loki’s words from before start to repeat in his head now and he feels sick, can feel nausea rising.

Clint doesn’t push the feeling down, gives into his need to feel sick, into his panic and rage. He heaves, the contents of his stomach coming out and he can feel tears pricking in his eyes but he still can’t see anything, the darkness is everywhere and he sits there on the edge of the bed. He heaves until nothing comes out any more, until it is nothing but dry sobs and he can smell his sickness, can feel the wetness around his eyes, can hear the sounds he makes as he heaves, the taste of bile is still in his mouth, he can feel the bedding under his fingers from where he grabbed it as he got sick, but he can’t see a damn thing. He keeps blinking, keeps waiting for light to come, for the darkness to go away, for shapes to form but nothing changes as he sits there, as his heaving finally starts to stop and he can hear the door open, can hear footsteps approaching but he can’t see anything.

“You will get used to it, Hawk.”

Loki says this and his voice is close now and the bed shifts as he sits down next to Clint. His voice is so calm, so casual, like it is nothing that he has just taken away Clint’s sight, like it is nothing to break him in this way and that is what makes him snap. He throws himself in the direction that he heard Loki speak now, wants nothing more than to beat him to a pulp. Loki has always been stronger than Clint, more durable, and now he can’t see but that doesn’t stop Clint from striking out with everything that he has.

His fists pound away and sometimes he can feel them hit flesh, can hear the sound of them connecting, but not always. Loki shifts them just a bit and Clint still tries to hit him as much as he can but without being able to see, he can’t always connect to Loki, can feel his hands beat into the walls a few times, can feel blood start to drip down his knuckles after a particularly hard punch. He doesn’t stop, even after that, just keeps struggling and lashing out until his body is tired and weak and he can’t do it anymore. He just sort of collapses at that point and he can feel arms warp around him but he is too worn out to shrug them off.

“It will do little good to lash out, hawk, it will not change anything and all you have managed to do it cause yourself more harm. I will see to you and then take care of the mess you made.”

Loki’s voice is so close to him, right in his ear and Clint can feel the breath from his words on his cheek. Clint doesn’t say anything as Loki picks him up, carries him. It is only a few moments and then he is putting Clint down and he can feel the warm water around him and everything is still dark but this is familiar, has become just another part of the routine over these years. After a punishment, Loki almost always put Clint in the tub, lets him wash and sometimes gives him something for the pain and today is no different. Clint doesn’t move, just lays in the water and after a moment he can hear Loki walk away from the tub and he knows that he is alone now, the darkness still there.

He can’t see a damn thing and for all he knows he will never see anything again. Clint still feel the anger, hot and bright, but there is something else, a hopelessness. He has fought the feeling before, has refused to give into it, but now, with his eyes useless and Loki treating him like some little pet, the hopelessness is strong and he thinks about the water he lies in right now. The tub is deep and there are at least a few inches of water in it. It could be enough to drown a person and Clint thinks about it for only a few moments before slowly letting his head sink under.

He doesn’t close his eyes, there isn’t much reason to and the water stings them just a bit when his face is completely covered. He has tried running from Loki and it hasn’t worked and he can’t stay here anymore and so he keeps himself under the water. Loki has held him under water before, after he was given the apple, and so Clint has an idea of how long he needs to stay under, how long it may take and so he just has to hope that Loki leaves him here for a while.

Clint keeps himself under the water and in his mind he apologizes, to the avengers, to Natasha, to Bucky. He apologizes for not getting out of here, he apologizes for not being strong enough, for leaving them behind. He apologizes for giving up, for choosing this, choosing death instead of fighting but he can’t stay with Loki anymore .

His lungs are starting to burn, his eyes still sting, and every instinct in him is telling him to raise his head, to break the surface of the water. Everything in him is starting to tell him to fight, to not give into the water. Clint has always been a fighter, been a survivor and it is hard to give up, to force himself to give up but he tells himself it is needed and he stays under the water.

The surface of the water breaks, Clint can feel it move and then he feels hands gripping him, pulling him up. He tries to shake them off but it doesn’t matter, the water is starting to leave the tub and his mouth opens and breaths are taken and Clint has failed once again.

“I will not allow you to leave me, hawk, you are mine.”

Loki’s words are near his ear and he has taken Clint completely out of the tub, has wrapped him up in a towel now. His words had been calm but Clint had heard the possession in them and he hates that there isn’t much he can do to get away from him. He wants hurt Loki but he feels weak from the lack of air and so he doesn’t do anything, lets Loki dry him off and dress him, lets him take his hand and lead him somewhere. It is only a few minutes and then Loki is making him lay down and Clint can feel Loki’s weight settle next to him. He finds himself falling asleep after a while, warm blankets wrapped around him.

The next few days pass and the darkness remains. Loki does not punish him for the tub incident, at least not a usual punishment, instead he simply does not allow Clint to be alone. He is with him constantly, feeds him, bathes him, helps him get dressed. Clint hates the feeling of helplessness, the feeling of uselessness, and he wonders if this is what Loki wants, wants Clint dependent on him, a little pet that Loki can play with when he is bored.

“I have nothing left. You have taken everything.”

He says this after a week of being blind, when Loki has him in the bed. He took him just a few minutes ago, had been gentle in the way that Clint hates, had talked the whole time so that Clint couldn’t pretend it was anyone else. He lays beside Clint, has Clint’s head laying on his chest, hold him there. His fingers are in Clint’s hair, he can feel the gentle strokes they are making. It is almost tender the position Loki has put them in, as if they just got done making love instead of rape, as if Clint gave himself to Loki instead of being taken.

“You still have your life, hawk, and you have me.”

The words are spoken almost sweetly and Loki places a kiss upon his forehead. It is something Bucky used to do and Clint hates that Loki does it now, that he steals the soft gestures that once came from someone else.

“I hate you.”

Clint says this, puts venom in his words. He has to focus on that, on how much he hates Loki, on all he has done to him. He has to keep a hold of the hate because Loki isn’t going to let him go and Clint can’t give in to him.

“You hate me for now, it will change. I am all you have left , little hawk.”

Clint says nothing to this and he doesn’t move away from Loki. There is another kiss placed on his forehead and then Loki shifts, pulls the covers over them both. A few minutes pass and then the sound of Loki’s breathing evens out and Clint knows he is asleep. He simply lays there for a while, forces himself to close his eyes after a while. It doesn’t make much difference, only makes the dark more and it takes him a long time to fall asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a little more, hope you enjoy.

 

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_The room is a little bigger than most of the hotel rooms that they have used these last weeks and there are windows along the wall and one single door but other than that, the room is different. The windows are small, not large enough to be climbed out of, and the door is strong metal, a couple different locks on it. There are no vents and it would be difficult to leave it. It is a cell in many ways but there is a bed and a few other things and he sits on the bed. He is alone in the room right now but Steve said he would be back in just a few minutes, had went to get them something to eat. He isn’t sure if he will be able to eat right now, his stomach is still twisted up in the knots it did itself in when Clint fell to the ground. It has been quite a while since then and there has been so much happening._

_Steve and the man who had been with him at the bridge, he said his name was Sam, brought Clint and him here. There had been others, the red headed woman that had also been at the bridge, a brown haired man with glasses that is apparently a doctor, and a man who looked familiar to him but not at the same time. He had been told them names, Natasha, Bruce, Tony and there had been questions and glances. Natasha’s attention had been mostly focused on Clint in his arms and Tony had been looking at him with an expression of pity, anger, and worry as Bruce started to get some things ready. Tony said something about him being moved to the safe room right but Bucky had refused to leave till Clint had been placed in the bed, till the doctor looked him over. Once that had been taken care of, once he was sure that Clint would be looked after, they had taken him to this room and he has been here since._

_As he sits, he thinks about this place, this Stark Tower that Steve called it. He knows the name Stark and as he thinks about the name, he remembers someone from before. Tony had looked like Howard, must be his son. Howard died in a car, the lines had been easy to cut and no wonder Tony seemed apprehensive of him. There is the familiar feel of guilt and when Steve opens the door, he speaks his thoughts out loud._

_“He’s Howard’s son.”_

_Steve gives a nod as he comes forward, as he sets the food down on a small table and moves it closer to the bed and Bucky asks a question._

_“Does he know?”_

_Bucky can’t ask the full question but Steve seems to know what he is asking and there is another nod before he sits down next to Bucky, close enough to touch but he doesn’t yet._

_“Tony knows but he knows everything, knows that it was Hydra’s doing more than yours. We just want to make sure that you are going to be alright.”_

_He can hear what Steve isn’t saying out loud, that they want to make sure he isn’t a danger. There is just a moment of quiet now, Steve starts his lunch and gestures for Bucky to do the same. Bucky manages only a few bites before stopping and that is when Steve speaks again._

_“You remember Howard now?”_

_It is his turn to nod and he speaks a little bit now. He told Steve they could talk about this and he intends to keep his promise, even if he looks away from Steve right now._

_“I remember more, bits and pieces but it is coming back more quickly now. I still don’t know if it can be like it was before, if I can be like I was before, if I can be who you knew me as but I’m not the soldier anymore. I’m not sure who I am, who I want to be.”_

_It is the truth, he isn’t sure if he can be the Bucky Barnes Steve remembers but he isn’t Hydra’s asset anymore. He feels something on his shoulder now and realizes that it is Steve’s hand. He doesn’t move away from the touch but he does tense up just a little bit. Steve gives a gentle squeeze and then moves his hand away. Bucky looks at him now and he looks a bit sad but there is also a bit of determination in his eyes as well._

_“You will figure it out.”_

_There are a few more moments of quiet before Steve speaks again._

_“Do you want to tell me how you met Clint?”_

_The question is asked almost gently but there is curiosity in his voice. He said he would explain and so he tells Steve of going to the different Hydra bases, destroying them, finding Clint at one and how he left with him, how they sort of fell into working together after that._

_“I like him. He makes me feel like a person. I tried to keep him safe but it didn’t work out.”_

_He is still thinking about Clint knocked out, about how pale he looked when he put him in the bed. The doctor had said he should be ok but there is still worry._

_“Clint will be alright, Bruce said he probably just needs to rest for a bit, just needs the sedative to wear off. “_

_Bucky gives a nod and then tries to eat a bit more of the food Steve bought him. A few minutes pass and Steve asks him a few more questions and he answers when he feels comfortable. Soon enough their conversation is interrupted by a voice._

_“Excuse me, Captain Rogers, Sargent Barnes for the interruption but Agent Romanoff asked me to inform you that Agent Barton is awake and will probably be down after he has been looked over and fed.”_

_“Thank you, Jarvis.”_

_Steve says this to the voice and there is relief in Bucky that for now Clint is okay and that he will see him soon._

Bucky stays alone with Clint for a while after Steve leaves, can’t make himself move away quite yet. He holds him the whole time, just looks him over, wonders about just how many years he was stuck with Loki. The scars had looked old, particularly the ones at his hip and some had looked like they caused a quite a bit of damage. Clint had been tortured for years, had been left alone with a monster and now he has been all twisted up, thinks he belongs to the monster that has hurt him so much. The whole thing makes Bucky feel sick, makes him feel like a failure and he has no idea what to do now, how to get his Clint back from what he has been forced to become. He is still thinking about everything that has happened, is still holding Clint tight when the door opens and he hears quiet steps, knows exactly who has entered the room and he speaks quietly as she approaches.

“He told me he wasn’t under a spell, that he can’t be fixed. I didn’t want to believe it but now I don’t know what to do.”

Natasha is in front of him now and she sits down beside him on the bed, puts her hand on Clint’s shoulder. He knows that this has to be hurting her as well, that she is just as worried about Clint as he is.

“I don’t think any of us know what to do. Everyone is waiting for you, we have a few things we need to discuss. Jarvis will let us know when he is awake.”

Her voice is calm and she squeezes Clint’s shoulder briefly before getting up and gesturing for him to do the same. He does, makes sure Clint is settled on the bed before following her out of the room and to where the others are. Steve, Bruce, Tony and Thor are all here and everyone looks various shades of upset.

“Strange is finishing up the wards, they should keep Loki out. We can go over everything now, make sure that we all have the same information."

Steve says this simply and Bucky gives just a bit of a nod as he sits down. They go over everything, the results of Clint’s lab tests, his blood, what Thor knows about Loki’s recent actions, about one of the golden apples being taken, how Loki would know which realms would give him more time, everything starts to confirm that Clint had been gone for years instead of the few minutes that passed here. They discuss everything but they still have no clearer idea of how to proceed, how to help Clint. All they can do for now is keep him away from Loki, keep him here and hope that they can get him back to himself. Bucky has no idea what he will do if they can’t manage to get Clint back and he promises himself that he will hurt Loki for all he has done to Clint.

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	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has been so long without an update. I got very busy with other fic and my brain got very stuck on this one so I hope people are still reading. Short chapter but hopefully I can get another one up in a few weeks.

++++++ _._

_Loki loses his hawk during the battle on the hellicarrier. It is not to death, rather the power of the spear is forced out of him, and Loki felt it when it was. It didn’t hurt but it did leave him with a sense of loss. He had planned on keeping Barton at his side and this is inconvenient. He leaves his hawk there, promises that once more things are settled, he will reclaim him. He does not get the chance._

_The battle happens and Loki is beaten by the end of it, lies on the floor with one of Barton’s arrows pointed at his face. It is not one of Loki’s finest moments and he mourns the loss of everything that was meant to be his, a throne, a world, the archer. He swears to himself he will get it all back when he can and when Thor takes him away, he lets his eyes linger on Barton for a few moments, makes a vow that he will have him again._

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Loki watches as his hawk adjusts to his new life in the dark. It is an ongoing process, one that shifts and changes just as Clint’s moods do. There is anger and defiance at times, desperation and sadness at others. The loss of his sight has hit Clint hard, it is a fear come true and he feels helpless at times, worthless. The continuing isolation from everything but Loki is affecting him as well. Clint is breaking, starting to shatter into pieces, and Loki does not leave him alone, needs to be here to mend him into what he wants.

Loki pushes just like he always have but now he has started to be more delicate in it, slower as to not break Barton so completely that there is nothing left. He almost lost Clint the first day of his blindness, almost lost him by Clint’s own actions, and it is something that Loki is very aware of now. There had been rage when he pulled him out of the tub, anger that he would try to leave Loki in such a way, but also just a hint of fear. The apple makes Barton more than mortal but he can still die and if he gets desperate enough, death may seem like the only option left to him. Loki has grown much too attached to the idea of having Barton be his to let that happen and so he does not hurt him for what he did, instead reminds him he is not allowed to leave him and takes care of him.

As the days pass, as days become weeks, Loki can see just how much the darkness has taken its toll on Clint, just how much the dependence on Loki is weighing on him. He doesn’t speak often, has become a bit more withdrawn and he is eating the smallest amount that Loki will allow. He doesn’t fight quite as much anymore and if Loki pushes just right, he will become truly docile, a little pet for Loki to do with as he pleases. It is not what he wants. Barton is to be his warrior, he wants his strength and his passion and so Loki only pushes as much as he has to, lets Barton start to do little tasks on his own again. Some of his fight seems to return and Loki decides that now would be a good time to start his next step in making his hawk completely his.

He takes his hawk outside their rooms one day, leads him down a path and into open space. Clint is full of confusion, it is the first time Loki has let him out of the rooms and he can tell that even without the benefit of sight he is tempted to run but Loki keeps a tight hold on him. He leads him to where he wants him and picks up an object that he has placed here earlier, speaks to his hawk now.

“I have something for you, something I believe you have missed these years, hawk.”

With his words , he hands the object over to his hawk, makes certain that he takes it. He watches as Clint’s fingers move around it, as he figures out just what is in his hands now, watches as his face flashes shock and then anger. It has been so very long since he has held his bow in his hands after all and Loki is sure that Barton probably thought it had been destroyed. Loki did not destroy it but it would have been a risk to allow him to be near it before now.

“What do you expect me to do with this?”

There is anger in his voice, rough and raw, and Loki is almost glad to hear it. He does not want his little hawk to become nothing more than a shell after all, wants all of his passion and spirit to remain, just wants it to be for Loki only. Loki gives him a smile right now, one that he cannot see, and brings his own fingers to Clint’s, rests them on top of Clint’s as he grips the bow so tightly.

“I expect you to shoot, to show that you are still a warrior.”

He puts a bit of challenge in his voice, expects Clint to rise up to the bait and he does. He pulls his fingers out of Loki’s grip, moves just a bit away from him, and his hands still hold the bow tightly. He is wound up so tightly right now and his words are harsh things as they leave his mouth.

“I can’t shoot, you took that away from me. You have taken everything away and now you are taunting me.”

Loki walks closer to him, once again settles his fingers against Clint’s own, keeps his touch firm but gentle. He speaks and makes sure that every word is clear, that his hawk is listening.

“This is not a taunt, hawk, this is a chance. I will allow you time to practice, to adjust, and when you are ready, you will hit the target just as you did before. When you do, then I will give back to you some of what you have lost.”

He can see the realization on Clint’s face, can feel the way his fingers tense up under Loki’s own. Loki gives another grin, knows that he is on his way to making his hawk belong solely to him, and he does not move away from Barton yet, tells him a little bit more.

“There will be conditions, of course, you must still behave. If you try to run when I bring you here, try to turn the bow against me, there will be punishment. Despite what you think, there is always more that I can take from you but I am willing to give as well, hawk. “

He lets a few moments pass, lets his words sink in for Barton. He moves his fingers away from Clint’s now, just watches his hawk think about it all. He needs one more little push.

“If you think that you cannot do it, if you think you are as weak as others would claim you to be, you do not have to try. I will still keep you, no matter your usefulness, but you can prove that you are stronger than this.”

He puts challenge in his voice and he can see a flash of something cross his hawk’s face, something like anger, like determination, and he has not let go of the bow yet. Another moment passes but then Clint is straightening himself up just a bit, squaring his shoulders, and when he speaks, his voice is sure.

“I will need arrows and you will need to tell me where the target is.”

Loki smiles and tells his hawk where the target is, gets him some arrows and the next few hours are spent watching him try to shoot. He has not held his bow in years now and Loki can tell that he feels a bit clumsy with it, unsure for more than just the loss of his sight. It takes a while for him to get used to the string again, to get the arrow even settled in his bow correctly. There is frustration written in his face, tenseness in his body, but he still tries to shoot, tries to hit the target. He does not make any of his shots today, comes close a few times, but those had only been grazes. Loki takes the bow away from him, tells him that there will be more chances, and then he leads him back to their room.

Clint is quiet most of the rest of the day but Loki does not let it bother him. He knows that his hawk will improve with the bow soon enough, will hit the target someday, and then Loki will bring him back into the light. When it is time for their rest, he holds his hawk close to him, just as he has done since he brought him here, brushes fingers over the mark that now lies on his hip. Clint doesn’t move away from the touch now, has learned not to, and tonight is one of the rare nights since Loki placed him in the dark that he falls asleep first. Loki stays awake longer, listens to Clint’s steady breathing, wonders briefly if he is dreaming about Barnes again. Loki decides that it no longer matters if he still dreams about the weapon, when he wakes Clint will still be here with Loki, will one day be glad to be with Loki. Clint is his and Loki has the time and means to ensure that Clint realizes it. He brushes his lips across his hawk’s forehead and then allows himself to find his own rest, dreams about when Clint will be grateful for him, when Clint will know that Loki is all he has, all he needs, and all he wants.

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	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that it has been forever since I updated and I am sorry about that but I do have something now. Hope some people are still reading and comments would be lovely because I am really happy with this chapter.

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_Bucky has been in the tower for a while now, has been moved from the hulk room. He is staying with Steve and that makes sense. Steve knew him before everything, can hold his own if there are problems, but a little part of Clint kind of misses sharing space with Bucky all the time, misses the quiet nights in dirty motels or safe houses, misses lying next to the other man in a too small bed. It had to end sometimes and he is just glad that the other man is here now, safe and remembering pieces of himself and Clint still sees him, has a bit of a tradition going now and tonight is the night that Clint has been looking forward to all week, movie night._

_It is just the two of them, in Clint’s rooms, too much takeout on the coffee table in front of them, and a movie playing on the tv.  They do this almost every week, eat junk and watch movies, something Clint used to say they should do on the road. They did watch a few movies in some of the motels, whatever was on the cable, and it is something they do now, talk sometimes during it and sometimes they don’t. Tonight is one of the quiet nights, not an awkward silence but a comfortable one, Clint worn out and Bucky engrossed in  the Princess Bride. It is one of Clint’s favorites but he really is tired tonight and Bucky doesn’t seem to mind him leaning into him just a bit. It is easy to close his eyes after a little while, to drift away into  a light sleep._

_The dream comes upon him suddenly like they usually do.  It starts with the feel of the spear touching his chest, the calm taking him over. Loki is there, is always there,  fingers running over Clint’s skin, calling him his hawk, telling him he will never be free of him.  Soon enough there is blood on Clint’s hands, hot and sticky, and he knows he has stabbed someone in the heart, can hear Loki tell him what a good job he did.  He looks down at the body on the floor and this time it isn’t red hair that he sees but the gleam of metal and he  wants to scream but nothing will come out but he can hear something,  hear a voice and it isn’t Loki’s._

_“Clint, you’re safe, he isn’t here.”_

_It is Bucky’s voice and Clint opens his eyes and can see Bucky in front of him, alive and whole.  Relief feels him as he takes deep breathes, as he  wakes up fully._

_“Did I lash out?”_

_It happens sometimes, Clint failing arms about, or legs kicking out and it doesn’t do much damage to Bucky but Clint still doesn’t like doing it. Bucky shakes his head._

_“You just screamed. It was a dream about him, wasn’t it?”_

_Clint gives a nod now and Bucky’s eyes fill with understanding.  Clint has told him about Loki just a few weeks ago, a night when neither of them could sleep. It only seemed fair to tell him, after all Clint knows about Hydra, and Bucky understands, understands like Natasha does.  He still has dreams as well and Clint has comforted him after them  and so he accepts Bucky’s comfort now, doesn’t move away when arms wrap around him._

_“He won’t get you again. I won’t let him.”_

_It is a promise and Clint appreciates it but he knows it might not be that simple. He is still shaken up from the dream and some words leave his lips before he thinks them through all the way._

_“If he did, I would want to die rather than go through that again. Do you think you could do that for me, spare Nat from having to do it?”_

_It is a lot to ask and he isn’t sure if he should ask Bucky for this or not, but Bucky understands. He is looking at Clint, a long moment passes and Clint thinks maybe he should take it back but then Bucky lets out a breath, speaks._

_“I can promise you if you can promise me the same. If they ever get me, you will take me out. “_

_He should have expected, after all promises aren’t free but he isn’t sure what to say. Bucky speaks instead._

_“I would ask Steve but I’m not sure he could, he doesn’t understand, not like you do.”_

_He says this and it all becomes clear to Clint. He does understand and he can promise Bucky this, can give him this if he has to, and he will have the reassurance that Bucky will do the same for him._

_“I promise. You have my word.”_

_Clint says this and his voice doesn’t shake. He can promise this, see it through if he has to._

_“And you have my word. I won’t let him have you again, will end it if I have to.”_

_It is a promise and a lot of promises  have been made to Clint through the years, made and broken, but right now, for the first time, he really believes that this one will be kept.  It is a strange feeling but Clint doesn’t think about it too much, just lets Bucky hold him and feels safe right now._

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There is a new routine now, one that makes the dark a little easier to deal with at times.  Clint is taken out of the room each day, taken out in daylight if the feel of heat is right, taken to shoot, and each day it is getting easier. He hasn’t hit the target dead center yet but he can hit it now and it feels good to have a bow in his hand, good to be able to shoot again even if it is not as easy as it used to be.  Loki only allows him so many hours outside, only so many hours shooting, but they are the best part of Clint’s days here. He feels a bit more like himself when he shoots, can’t see the target but the feeling is the same, the sound of the arrow, the feel of the string.  He is always sad when it is over, when Loki leads him back to the room.

There is a routine to the evenings as well or at least when the rooms get colder.  Loki talks in the evenings, talks during the meals they share, as they clean up. He tells Clint stories sometimes, things from his past, sometimes stories that are made up and he asks Clint for stories sometimes as well. Clint remains silent sometimes but lately he has been telling Loki a few things, mostly so that he doesn’t have to hear him as much.  It isn’t as bad, he isn’t forced to tell Loki anything like he was when the tesseract had him, gets to choose what Loki hears.  When it is time, Loki leads him to the bed for rest and this is when another routine has started.

Loki touches Clint every night, doesn’t take him or have Clint take him every night, but there is something of intimate nature every night. Loki insists on it, likes to have Clint touch him in return and it is something Clint has gotten used. This is one thing that is slightly easier to deal with now that his sight is gone, he doesn’t have to see Loki, could almost pretend that it was someone else.   Loki’s hair is long, soft, and Clint used to imagine that it was Bucky’s when it tickles his skin , used to imagine that the cool fingers that would grip his hips as he thrust into the body under him were metal instead of flesh but that is harder to do now.  Loki talks during it as much as possible, makes certainty that Clint doesn’t forget who he is and tonight is no different.

“You feel so good, hawk, like you were made for me, just me.  I am the only one who will ever touch you like this again,  the only one who will make you feel good.”

Loki is inside of him right now, pining Clint down, and he wants to deny Loki’s words but he can’t speak right now. Loki’s fingers are at his throat, tight around it, there will be bruises there soon, cutting his breath off a bit. This was a punishment once but Clint doesn’t think it is supposed to be anymore, thinks Loki just like to leave marks and if he uses fingers instead of teeth , he can still speak as he does so. This isn’t the first time he has done this and Clint is getting more used to it, his body is getting more used to it, and he hates that it doesn’t hurt as much anymore, that the sharp pain just adds to the feeling that is building inside of him, adds to the pleasure that Loki has managed to condition him into feeling when he does this.

“Mine, all mine, my beautiful warrior, my strong hawk.”

Loki mutters this and Clint can feel him cum inside of him as the fingers let go suddenly, as air rushes into his lungs and he can’t hold it back, can feel his own release  coat his skin now.  After a few moments, he can feel Loki’s fingers against his stomach, gliding across it, through the release there.  He can hear a small suckling sound now, knows that Loki has put the fingers in his mouth, is cleaning the cum off of his fingers and he hears a small pop when they leave.

“I have grown fond of your taste, hawk, so sweet.”

He says this, pulls out of Clint now and then cool lips brush against Clint’s. He doesn’t lead Clint to the bath tonight, instead has Clint stay on the bed, cleans him up and Clint is worn out enough that he falls asleep as Loki runs a cloth gently over him.

The next morning comes and he wakes up in Loki’s arms, had slept through the night, very few dreams. That is happening more and more lately and Clint tries not to think about it, tries not to think about how used to waking up in Loki’s arms he is becoming.  He pushes the thought aside and goes through their morning routine, gets dressed, eats, and soon enough, Loki is leading him out of the room.

It is warm today and Clint imagines that the sun is high in the sky, golden and bright. He can’t see it but he can feel its heat and it is a nice change from the cool of Loki’s touch. Soon enough, the bow is in his hands, Loki tells him where the target is and he starts his shots. He shoots and shoots, can hear the arrows hit the target and after a while he is out of arrows.  He moves toward the target now, can hear Loki’s steps do the same. Loki stands behind as Clint starts to feel the target, feel the arrows in it.  He is so close to him and after just a moment, he leans even closer, lays his fingers on top of Clint’s and feels the arrows with him as he moves across the target, feeling where his shots landed and speaking as he does.

“ I made a promise to you, Hawk and I know many promises have been made to you, made and never kept.  I am different than the others, I  keep my promises to you, always will, am the only one that will.”

There is a target in the center, Clint’s fingers wrap around it and the feel of it and  Loki’s words make his breath catch. He pulls the arrow out and he isn’t sure what is going to happen, if Loki is going to do what he said he will, but there is hope inside of him right now.   Loki grips him now, turns him and he speaks again.

“You are so strong, hawk, so strong and skilled even with so much taken from you. I think you are learning and this can be given now.”

He hears Loki’s words but just barely, the sound of his heart beating loud to his ears right now, the sound of his breath  louder still. There are cool hands against his eyes now and Clint closes them at the touch and there is a flash of pain, white hot just like before. Clint can feel his knees start to buckle and he keeps his eyes closed and the pain is like before and all he can think is that Loki lied, Loki always lies.  Arms wrap around him, hold him steady, keeps him from falling, and he can hear Loki voice soothing him, can’t make out the words. The pain passes but he doesn’t open his eyes, can’t stand to open them, can’t stand to still be in the dark after the false promise, of the hope of just a few moments before.

“It is alright, hawk, open your eyes.”

The words are spoken against his cheek,  a kiss pressed against it, and Clint doesn’t want to but he knows that it is an order and things will be worse for him if he doesn’t. He opens them and it isn’t dark.

There is light, so much light, that Clint’s eyes hurt from it but he missed it, missed the brightness and he blinks. Everything is a bit fuzzy, like he has just woken up, has to blink the sleep away.  He blinks and things start to become clear, there is light, there is green of the trees and grass, brown of the dirt and as he moves his head, he sees Loki.  Clint sees dark hair and pale skin, bright eyes and he used to dream of dark hair and bright eyes but they weren’t these but his breath still catches just a bit. Loki is smiling right now, something soft and gentle and fond, and there is warmth in his eyes.  His long fingers move along Clint’s jaw, stroking it gently.

“I gave you a gift, hawk, kept my promise. What should you say, hawk?”

He says this and Clint knows what he is waiting for. He takes a breath and then speaks.

“Thank you.”

He says it and Loki smiles a bit more, leans just a bit closer. He is so close to Clint, face close to Clint’s now, lips a brighter red than Clint remembers. They are close and their lips brush against each other’s, a kiss that deepens for a moment, and when Loki pulls back, his smile is a bit brighter, almost triumphant and Clint isn’t sure why. It is only later as they walk back to the rooms, Loki’s arms still wrapped tight around Clint, that he realizes he was the one to lean forward and place his lips against Loki’s. He tries to push the thought aside, tells himself that it was just a moment of weakness, his relief at finally being able to see overwhelming everything else, but his lips tingle just a bit and he keeps stealing little glances of Loki the rest of the night.

+++++

The sedative has worn off now and Clint finds himself waking up, once again left alone in the room. He simply stretches right now, lets himself wake up a bit more before getting  up. Someone will probably be by soon enough and Clint can wait. They should know the truth now and Clint wants to see their reactions, wants to know if they have accepted now that he doesn’t belong here anymore.  They may be stubborn about it but Clint can handle it, knows who he truly belongs to now and nothing that is done to him here will change that.

He moves about the room a bit, stretches his legs out and waits. This is his prison for now but he knows that they aren’t going to leave him to rot, that someone is going to come by. He expects it to be Barnes or Natasha, maybe Rogers or Thor. It doesn’t matter who it is, nothing that is said to him here will convince him that he belongs with them. He thought he did once but that was before Loki showed him that he is his. Once there is a chance, Clint will go back to him, he just has to wait.

The door opens now and Barnes walks in, tray of food in his hands, and the door shutting behind him. There are dark circles under his eyes, he looks worn and once Clint would have been upset seeing him like this but it isn’t his place anymore, Bucky isn’t his anymore.  For now, he just watches as Barnes moves closer to him, sets the tray of food down on the table and looks at Clint.  A few moments pass before he speaks and his voice sounds broken.

“Strange told us about what he thinks happened, what he found. He gave you a golden apple, didn’t he?”

Clint just gives a nod now, doesn’t see any sense in denying it. It was Loki’s gift to him, a long life so he could realize who he belongs to and there is no reason to hide it from them now that they know.

“How long did he have you? How many years did he torture you?”

Barnes asks now, voice still rough and broken, and he has taken a step closer to Clint now. Clint doesn’t move, just stares him in the eyes as he speaks.

“Does it matter?”

 Clint says this, wonders if it does, if it will change anything if Bucky knows how long Clint was with Loki. 

“Yes, it matters. I need to know how long he had you, just what he did to make you like this. How many years did he hurt you, Clint?”

There is such anger in his voice, anger and  pain, and Clint feels a pang of sympathy for him even though Barnes shouldn’t, doesn’t matter to him anymore.  He loved him once, loved him with everything that he had, but that was a long time ago for him now and he is Loki’s but for Barnes it hasn’t been that long. The only thing that Clint can tell him is the truth and hopes he can let this go, let Clint go.

“I lost track after twelve, know it was longer than that but after a while I stopped trying  to keep track of it. There wasn’t any reason to keep track, no one came for me, and I was never able to leave. “

He used to be angry about that, rage inside of him that felt like fire but he hasn’t been angry about it for a while now.  If they would have come for him, if he would have left, he would never have realized that he is Loki’s and he can’t imagine not knowing it, not belonging to Loki like he does.

 A moment passes after Clint’s words, just a breath and then Barnes is moving .  Barnes takes more than a step now, is right next to Clint, puts a hand on his shoulder and he doesn’t let Clint move right now, fingers gripping down tightly as he speaks.

“I came for Clint, as soon as I could, I raced to that roof. I couldn’t stop Loki from getting to you, couldn’t stop him having you that long, but I promise you that I am here now, I won’t let him get you back. “

Clint shakes his head, remembers the promise Bucky made him once and he isn’t going to let him forget it.

“I already told you, this ends two ways. I go back to Loki or you end it.”

Clint means it, there is only one way that Barnes can stop him from going back to Loki. Bucky is the one to shake his head now, eyes moving away from Clint’s right now.  Clint moves now, not away from Barnes but closer to him, grabs ahold of his metal arm  and pulls it , places  it so that the fingers are at his throat. Bucky’s eyes have widen but he doesn’t move his arm, doesn’t move his fingers though he doesn’t tighten them around Clint’s throat. 

“It is the only way you can keep me from going back to him. You could do it now, just tighten your fingers. You could break my neck, even with the apple I think that would end me.”

It could be quick, Bucky could make it quick. His metal fingers are strong,  pure cool metal that Clint can feel against his skin right now.   Barnes seems frozen right now, still hasn’t moved his fingers away from where Clint has placed them. 

“You promised once.  You going to do it?”

Clint says this, stares Bucky straight in the eyes.   A moment passes, Bucky still staring straight at Clint and the fingers flex around his throat.  Clint takes a breath, waits for it.  Clint wanted this once, made Bucky swear it would happen, and he wants to see if Bucky will keep the promise he made Clint or if he will break it like everyone else has.  The fingers curl around his throat now, Bucky looking straight at him and Clint just stares right back.

“I’m his, you can’t change that now but you can stop me from going back to him. It is your only choice. Keep your promise.”

His voice doesn’t shake at all and he never looks away from Bucky as he says it.  There is pain in Bucky’s eyes, Clint can see it and those eyes  close now as the  fingers tighten just a bit.  They dig into his skin, not quite tight enough to stop his breath yet but tight enough that there is a bit of pain. It is almost familiar, cool  fingers at his throat, if he closed his eyes he could almost imagine that it is Loki pressing fingers into his skin. He had done that a few times, sometimes as a punishment but later  he taught Clint to enjoy it, to need it sometimes. He would press down till there were bruises, press down till spots would dance in front of Clint’s eyes and then let go, brushes kisses against the marks  and tell Clint how strong he was, how much he could take, praising him sweetly.   He thinks of Loki now, thinks of those sweet words and even sweeter kisses as the fingers tight just a bit more, as  it get a bit hard to draw in a breath.  He closes his eyes and imagines his god doing this and just as he sees Loki’s face, the fingers loosening and Barnes moves away, Clint can hear his footsteps, knows he is going to the door. He opens his eyes, doesn’t look to him but he does speak loudly and clearly enough that he knows Bucky hears him as the door shuts and he wonders if the words cut, wants them to.

“Loki is right. He’s the only one who keeps his promises to me.”

+++++


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it has been a long time since I updated this, sorry about that, just got busy with a lot of other stories and things and am still trying to figure out where I want to go with this one but hope people still are interested in it.

_He has been here at the tower for months now, has his own rooms, has been given freedom to look around, will probably go on missions soon enough, and Bucky is still adjusting to it a bit. That is one of the biggest adjustments, thinking of himself as Bucky again after so long of not really having a name. He still isn’t sure if it fits right anymore but he can’t help the familiar warmth that spreads through him now when Steve calls him that and the bit of new warmth when Clint calls him that so he thinks he can make it fit ok.  He still is a bit broken but almost everyone here is and he fits in as well as he can and it helps having both Steve and Clint here. He spends time with Steve but he also seeks out Clint as often as he can, spends a lot of time with him and it is different now than it was when they were on the road but it is nice in a lot of ways. Clint understands him in ways Steve can’t, made a promise to him that Bucky is thankful for, and he likes him a lot, treasures his time with him, and he is going to spend some time with him tonight._

_Clint will be here in an hour or so to watch a movie and Bucky is getting ready for it, is making some food in the kitchen near his rooms. They usually just order something and have it delivered but he wants to make some for Clint, remembers cooking a bit for Steve back in the day and it seems like something he should do for Clint. He got Steve to get him some things and he is trying to make some soup and grilled cheese and it is going ok but he isn’t sure how long he needs to keep the sandwich on each side. He has had on this side a long time and when he turns it, it is a bit dark brown instead of the golden brown he was hoping for. He is trying to figure out if he should start over when he hears footsteps approaching and he looks over to see Natasha entering the kitchen._

_“I think you may have gotten your grilled cheese a little too grilled.”_

_She says this as she walks closer and he just gives a bit of a shrug, can’t bring himself to toss it. He’ll just undercook the other side and it will be fine._

_“It is still good, no sense in wasting it.”_

_He says this and Natasha just gives a nod now._

_“If you are planning on feeding it to Clint, it will be fine, he loves grilled cheese no matter what.  You guys do have your movie night in a bit, right?”_

_She says this now, asks a question but Bucky is pretty sure she already knows the answer so he just gives a little nod._

_“Yep, movies and food, just thought it might be nice to make something instead of ordering in. Did you want to join us?”_

_He asks though he is sort of hoping she is going to say no. He likes having this time that is just him and Clint for reasons he isn’t quite sure of but he still offers now because he knows how close Clint and Natasha are and he can’t really keep them from spending time together.  There is still some relief when she shakes her head no._

_“I have other plans but I just wanted to say something to you real quick, about Clint.”_

_It sounds just a little ominous but Bucky just gives a little nod so that she will continue speaking._

_“ He has a habit of picking up strays, it is how I ended up with SHIELD and it is part of why you’re here.  He has a soft spot for some people and you’re one of them now. He cares about you.”_

_She says it so honestly  and a little bit of warmth spreads through him at the mention of Clint caring about him .  A moment passes and then he speaks._

_“I care about him too. He’s a good man.”_

_“He is, one of the best, and just be honest with him, be good to him, ok?”_

_She says this now, is looking at him straight in the eyes and he feels like he is missing something but he gives a nod now._

_“I will. You want a sandwitch before you go?”_

_He asks this as he puts the sandwitch on the plate and it doesn’t look too bad and she shakes her head._

_“No, I’m going to head out, Clint will be here soon, enjoy your movie night. Just think about what you want and talk to him.”_

_Those last words make what she said before make a bit more sense and suddenly the warmth that Clint’s name brings him make a bit more sense. He isn’t sure what to do about it, is still unsure about a lot of things and he just focuses on making some more sandwtiches now. When Clint comes in after a few minutes and sees the grilled cheese and tomato soup, Bucky tries not to think about the little flutter he gets when Clint smiles and says thank you. He’ll figure out just what he wants later, for now he enjoys what he has with Clint._

Bucky’s heart is thumping hard in his chest, his breath is coming out in quick little breaths and he makes it about ten feet from the room before he has to stop. Every thing is crashing down on him right now, a mix of emotions bubbling to the surface and he slams himself against the wall, back hitting it and then he is sliding down, finds himself in a bit of tangle on the floor, back against the wall.  Everything is such a damn mess and he doesn’t know how to fix it, doesn’t know if he can fix it , and he closes his eyes now, can feel all the panic building and getting ready to come to the surface.

“Bucky. Just breathe, ok? Just focus on breathing.”

 It is Steve’s voice and his arms are wrapping around Bucky now, offering strength and he needs it right now, needs something but he isn’t sure if this is it but he will take what he can get right now. He focusing on listening to Steve, on breathing like Steve is telling him to , and the panic isn’t quite gone but he is able to push it down now, manages to open his eyes and look into Steve’s face. There is concern there and when he speaks, the words are spoken as a question but sound a bit like an order.

“Jarvis said something was happened a few moments ago that may be a concern. Do you want to tell me what happened?”

He can have Jarvis play a recording of it, they both know that but Steve is giving Bucky a chance to talk about this, to explain what is going on. The is a lump in his throat but he swallows around it , closes his eyes for another moment before opening them and speaking.

“I went in to talk to Clint about what Strange found out, needed to know how long Loki had him. He said he lost count after  twelve years. A decade, that monster had him for more than a decade and it was only a couple of minutes for me, I couldn’t stop him being tortured for years. ”

There is guilt in his voice, guilt and pain and Steve is trying to soothe him now, holding him close and speaking gently still.

“Loki got him away so quickly, returned so quickly, there wasn’t any way to do anything, none of us were able to do anything Bucky, it isn’t your fault.”

He knows that Steve is right in a way, that none of them were expecting this, but it doesn’t really ease the guilt of knowing he has let Clint down.

“I promised him and I broke that promise.”

He chokes the words out now, knows that it is true.  He meant that promise when he made it, knew Clint needed him to mean it, and he broke it.

“What promise?”

Steve asks now and it is something that Bucky has never told him, never wanted Steve to know but he can’t keep it to himself now.

“Clint knew what it was like, to have his head played with, to have someone else in charge and I asked him if Hydra ever got me again, if it looked like I was back under their thumb, that he would kill me. He promised me that he would.”

He says this now and there is a look of horror that crosses Steve’s face and Bucky continues speaking before Steve can say anything.

“I would rather be dead than be their weapon again and Clint knows that. He asked me to promise something for him as well, if the same would ever happen to him, if Loki got him again somehow, that I would do the same for him. I told him I would.”

“Bucky.”

The name is whispered now and Steve looks like he is figuring out what is going on now, what almost happened.

“I meant it when I promised it,  thought I would be able to do it.  Just now he reminded me of that promise,  told me that this would end one of two ways, keeping my promise or him going back to Loki. He told me to keep my promise. My fingers were against his throat and I did tighten them. For a moment, I tightened my fingers around Clint’s throat and I was planning for his last breathes.”

 In that moment, he thought he could do it. He was going to make it quick, had choked the breath out of someone enough times that he knows how to make it quick, Clint wouldn’t have suffered but it wasn’t just anyone’s throat his fingers were wrapped around. It was Clint and that made everything different in those moments.

  Steve is just staring at him now, a grim sort of understanding in his eyes and his grip on Bucky is tightening just a bit more.

“You couldn’t do it.”

He says this so simply and Bucky gives a nod as more words rush out of him.

“He closed his eyes, looked so much like he did this morning before he woke up, and I couldn’t do it, couldn’t kill him. He’s still Clint, Loki’s twisted him up and made him believe things that aren’t true but he’s still Clint and  I don’t want to lose him.”

The thought of Clint being gone, dead, no way to ever get him back had struck Bucky then and he couldn’t do it, couldn’t keep his promise.  He had ran from the room then but he had heard Clint’s words about Loki being right, about no one keeping their promises to him except him and the words had hurt, worse than a physical blow. Everything is such a damn mess and he couldn’t do what he swore to Clint he would and he feels like such a damn coward right now.

“You did the right thing, we’ll figure this out, you won’t lose him.”

Steve says this now, is trying to soother Bucky just a bit and there is only one thought running through his head right now and he gives voice to that thought now.

“What if he is right, what if nothing can be changed, what if I have lost him already?”

He doesn’t want to think that it is true but this isn’t some magic that can be reversed, if everything they know is true than Loki tortured Clint for years till he broke, shattered into pieces that Loki put back together and Bucky isn’t sure how they can fix that.

“Don’t give up yet, we’ll think of something, Clint’s strong, he’ll get through this but he is going to need you. Come upstairs, get some rest, ok? You look like shit.”

Steve says all this and Bucky doesn’t say anything right now, doesn’t even nod but when Steve gets up, Bucky lets himself get pulled up as well.  He follows Steve upstairs with a bit of numbness, turns the way to Steve’s room instead of his and Steve doesn’t say anything as they enter the apartment, lets Bucky go to his room alone, says something about making some food for when Bucky wakes up.  Bucky just collapses on Steve’s bed now, closes his eyes and hopes that Steve’s words are right, tries not to think what it will mean for him if they aren’t, about just what he has lost.


End file.
